


Novocaine

by nh8343



Series: Immortals-verse [2]
Category: Super Junior, Super Junior-M
Genre: (assumed) major character death, M/M, Post-Apocalypse, Team Bonding, a prequel told in flashbacks, corrupted government, dystopian setting, more drama than the original, self-indulgent narrator (Heechul), some language, some suggested themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 07:04:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 37,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20466992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nh8343/pseuds/nh8343
Summary: Before the Resistance, when a nuclear disaster plunged the world into an uncertain new age, there was an end: an end to the innocence of two young men, Kim Heechul and Park Jungsoo. It was their conviction for change, along with those who joined them, that would pave the way for justice. And it’s time the Resistance’s story was told.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (Crossposted from AFF 8/31/2019)
> 
> Prequel to “Immortals”; I would highly, highly recommend that you read the original first. This probably won’t read well without it -- and I may be biased, but I think you’ll enjoy reading both. :)

**March 6th, 2019**

**4 months after the liberation of the Capital**

“Six...seven...eight…”

Heechul’s eyes scan the room as he counts, the numbers muttered under his breath.

“...nine...ten  ━will you stop moving around, Sungmin?━ eleven...twelve…”

The headcount should take two seconds. But with the way no one in the gathered group wants to sit still, Heechul’s life is a bit difficult at the moment.

“...thirteen. Who the hell are we missing?”

Siwon looks ready to respond from his position on the couch, but a series of loud knocks on the door interrupts him. With a long-suffering sigh, Heechul goes to let the latecomer in, some choice insults already taking form in his mind.

He opens the door a little more aggressively than necessary. “Kyuhyun, what took you so━?”

“Why?” The man in question asks, cutting Heechul off. He’s breathing hard enough to look like he’s just run a mile. “Why did you make us come all the way over to your house, of all places?”

“Because there’s enough room for everyone now that a certain best friend of mine moved into the Council building and left Geng and I by ourselves. Now come inside; you’re late.”

Hyukjae speaks up the minute they make it back to the living room where everyone is gathered. “Honestly, Heechul,” he says dryly, “I don’t know why you’re being so hard on him. You don’t even have a plan for what we’re going to do tonight now that everyone’s together again.”

“What, you think you’re all superior now that you’re a married man?”

Hyukjae’s eyeroll is impressive even by Heechul’s standards. “It’s been over a month, and yet you still insist on━”

“Don’t any of you appreciate the time I took to finally get all of us together? It’s been exactly four months since we kicked Mayor Park’s ass, and guess how many times we’ve all been in the same room since the ceremony? Zero. But all I get is thinly veiled insults, complete disregard for punctuality, and not even one suggestion for what we could do. Does that seem fair?”

It certainly gets everyone’s attention. The silence that follows Heechul’s words is almost disturbing compared to the earlier atmosphere.

“Babe…”

“You did not just ‘babe’ me, Geng.”

Kyuhyun shamelessly raises a hand from where he’s perched on the arm of the couch.

“I’ve got an idea,” he says. “If we’re going for something nostalgic here, why don’t you go back to the beginning? Finally tell the full story of the Resistance? I only know bits and pieces, and I’d put money on most everyone not knowing every detail.”

“Seriously, Kyu? That’s just…” Heechul’s objection dies in his throat when he sees a sea of expectant faces looking back at him. “So you’re all old and boring now.” Another sigh. “Jungsoo, you want to take the floor?”

“I’ll chime in if you miss something. Go ahead; you’ll make it more dramatic than I ever could.”

There are at least six people Heechul sees attempting to hide their smiles at the comment, and the rest don’t even try.

“And here I was thinking all it took was my nearly-fatal sacrifice to get your respect. Brats.” His eyes slide back to Kyuhyun. “How far back are you asking for?”

“Like I said, the beginning. Doomsday. The end of the world.”

Jungsoo’s expression loses its content glow. “I’m warning you now: it’s not a very happy story. I don’t mind Heechul telling it, but if you’re looking for entertainment…”

“Not entertainment. I just want to know the truth.”

The kid is being more honest than Heechul initially judged. “Fair enough, then,” he says, taking the empty seat in between Jungsoo and Han Geng. “The beginning. It all started on a breezy September afternoon, back in our old neighborhood…”

⋘

**September 29th, 2016 - Park Residence**

“I’m telling you, Heechul, it’s not going to happen.”

The voice pulls Heechul’s attention away from the television and back to reality, where Jungsoo is nudging his sprawled-out form with a socked foot.

“And on a different note,” the older of the two continues, “what are you still doing on the floor? You’re getting potato chip crumbs everywhere.”

“Simple. You’re still hogging the couch,” Heechul says through another mouthful of said potato chips. “What were you saying?”

Jungsoo snorts, digging his foot in a little harder. “The news station you’ve had your eyes glued to, idiot. Where they’re debating the possibility of nuclear warfare?  _ That’s _ what I’m talking about, even if you think I’m stupid for being optimistic.”

“Not stupid. You just have way too much faith in humanity.” And with that, Heechul snatches Jungsoo’s undefended foot, mercilessly tickling the sole.

“Heechul!”

“Feeling more cynical now, Jungsoo?”

Heechul’s cackling is louder than the other’s protests, but it can’t drown out the sudden high-pitched wail of a siren going off outside. It takes a moment for both of them to process the sound, but when they do, they immediately freeze.

“Please tell me that’s not what I think it is,” Jungsoo says, voice hardly above a whisper.

Heechul doesn’t want to answer. He watches mutely as the debate on the TV screen is abruptly switched to an emergency broadcast, and a frightened-looking news anchor reads from the script in front of her.

_ “Attention all citizens: we’ve just received word that a nuclear warhead has been released. You are to take immediate action as dictated by government protocol. Thank you for your cooperation.” _

They’ve prepared for this. Half of the people on the planet hadn’t believed it would be necessary, but they’d still learned. Heechul feels the training kick in on instinct, and his spot on the floor is abandoned in favor of grabbing his phone off the table and heading toward the door.

“Heechul…”

Jungsoo stops him with a hand on his arm, but what makes Heechul’s actions come to a halt is the amount of fear packed into the single word. It’s enough to snap him back to the reality of the situation.

“It’s going to be okay,” he reassures the other. “There’s only one lone warhead that was released, right? That’s a far cry from the end of the world. Hiding out in the bomb shelter is just a formality.”

“But my parents are still working in the city. What if━?”

Heechul shushes him before the thought can finish forming. “I promise that all of us will be fine. Trust me?”

And it doesn’t really matter in that moment that Jungsoo is the oldest. They’ve had each other’s backs for enough years to know how to complement each other’s weaknesses. There’s no shame in Jungsoo’s voice when he replies with a firm “of course,” before following him out the door.

Heechul’s glad he sounds more confident than he feels.

=

Personal bomb shelters had become commonplace in the past few years. After the potential for global disarmament had faded into near impossibility, and tensions between nations hadn’t seen a decline, it only made sense to prepare for possible nuclear war ━ even more so after a few serious threats had arise from across the globe.

But there’s a distinct difference between threats and the real thing. Heechul keeps telling himself what he’d said to Jungsoo earlier: only one bomb, a formality, they’ll be fine. He has to believe they’ll be fine, to repeat the mantra over and over again in his head until he can’t think of anything else beyond the words “we’ll be alright,” unless he wants to spiral into a pit of self-doubt. Even as they sit there in the dim lighting of a single bulb, listening to the hand-crank radio and hoping the steel walls are enough to keep them safe.

“ _ Alert: a second warhead has been released. Any citizens not currently in their shelters are instructed to get to safety immediately.” _

Who started it? Heechul lets himself ponder the question for a few fleeting moments before throwing it aside. In the end, it didn’t matter; the destruction would be the only thing remembered if anyone survived.

_ “More warheads have been released, though the exact number is currently unknown. Emergency level has been raised to━” _

Will it be a quick death? If the explosion is close enough, and the shelter isn’t strong enough, they might be killed before they realize what hit them. If they only get hit with the radiation…

_ “...have confirmed that the first warhead has hit the surface. Large amounts of radiation are to be expected, along with strong seismic activity from the blasts. The second will touch down in━” _

Maybe it isn’t so bad, though, Heechul supposes. If this is the end, maybe he can count himself lucky enough to see the end of the story, just before the book closes. Go out with a bang.

_ “...another warhead has made contact. Estimated time until the next explosion is━ pztTTTTT” _

Heechul crawls forward to slam the radio’s power button, cutting off the static. Not five seconds later, he feels the ground shake as the lightbulb flickers.

_ This is it. This is really it _ , he thinks to himself, both mantra and internal monologue abandoned. If he’s going to die, he’ll give himself the dignity of paying attention to when it happens.

Wordlessly, Jungsoo’s hand reaches out toward his, and Heechul takes it without a second thought. The older of the two may have been seeking reassurance earlier, but that stream flows both ways: Jungsoo is, and has always been, Heechul’s pillar, even when times are at their bleakest. And hell, does Heechul need even the smallest bit of that strength right now.

“We’re going to make it,” Jungsoo tells him, words echoing in the silence.

It takes a moment for Heechul to find his voice again. “Yeah? You sure about that?”

“Of course.” Jungsoo’s grip on his hand tightens. “When you make a promise, you keep it.”

Another violent tremor shakes the ground, and the room is plunged into darkness.

⋙

“I don’t know how long we were down there for.” Heechul suppresses a shudder at the memory. “When the shaking finally stopped, we went out with our facemasks, and most of the neighborhood was in ruins. The quakes from the warhead hitting were enough to collapse most of the houses, mine included.”

“We could still see one of the mushroom clouds in the distance,” Jungsoo adds. “But neither of us wanted to admit we were terrified, so we didn’t say a word to each other.”

Kyuhyun’s next question is asked so softly that Heechul barely hears it. “And...your parents?”

Heechul’s eyes briefly meet Jungsoo’s before the latter replies, “They survived the blasts. My parents were in a safehouse in the city; they came back later that day to meet up with us. Heechul’s parents were in the shelter at his house ━ shaken up, but still okay.”

“So why…?” Kyuhyun doesn’t seem to want to finish the thought, so Heechul spares him the trouble.

“Why start a group of vigilantes if our parents were still with us? Trust me, we’re getting there. Your turn, Jungsoo.”

“Back to the story already? Where were we...Right. Heechul’s house was in ruins, so I offered to let him and his parents stay with my family. Ours was one of the few buildings still mostly intact.

“For about a week, things were relatively normal, consolidating resources and rebuilding aside. And I’m sure you all remember that’s when information began to be passed around through word of mouth: the extent of the devastation, the rise of the government in the newly-named Capital, even the first use of words like ‘Cluster’ and ‘Outsiders’.”

“It was also when the Capital’s government started to show how controlling they really were,” Heechul continues for him. “They wanted everyone to move into the city, but there were those who either didn’t want to, or ━ like Jungsoo and I ━ didn’t trust them in the slightest.”

He leans back into the sofa, slipping back into his narration.

“When the end of that week was up...the story hits its turning point.”


	2. Chapter 2

**October 6th, 2016**

One thing about a nuclear apocalypse that no one seemed to have thought about is how boring the aftermath can get. Heechul discovers this fact as he’s lounging yet again on the floor of Jungsoo’s living room, both phoneless (cell towers are fried) and TV-less (broadcasting stations...also fried). It’s another one of those afternoons where they have no choice but to wait for new plans for rebuilding from either their Cluster or the Capital, and so he and Jungsoo have resorted to an old deck of cards. They smell like mold and look even worse ━ Heechul might name them after the new Mayor.

A reflexive sigh of relief escapes his lips when a knock sounds on the door. He moves to stand up (and not-so-subtly steal a look at Jungsoo’s hand), but he’s stopped by Jungsoo’s father calling “I’ll get it!”, doomed to wallow in his haze of boredom.

For a so-called end of times, this seems far too anticlimactic.

If Heechul cranes his neck far enough to the right (while protecting his own cards from Jungsoo’s probable revenge), he can see down the hallway to the front door. There are four men outside ━ presumably the Capital’s people, if the drab uniforms are anything to go by.

“Heechul,” Jungsoo says suddenly, waving his hand in the other’s line of sight. “It’s your turn, you know.”

“Are you seriously still interested in the game right now?”

A pause.

“Can you make out what they’re saying?”

“No, but it sounds like an argument. Your mother just joined them.”

Heechul has half a mind to go see what all the fuss is about, even if the two adults probably have the situation under control. For now, he leans even further to the side, trying to catch  _ just _ a snatch of conversation. Trying, that is, until a familiar figure obstructs the view entirely.

“Mom?”

“Boys.” Heechul doesn’t like the fake smile stretched across her face. “Why don’t you move to the kitchen, hmm? We don’t want to bother the policemen by being in their way.”

Something is wrong. Even before seeing the fear in his mother’s expression, Heechul knows. It’s an odd request: what’s in the kitchen? Remnants of spoiled food in the refrigerator? That cobweb in the corner they all pretend not to notice so they won’t have to kill the disturbingly large spider?

“The back door,” he says aloud. It sounds out of place by itself, but with the way his mother’s expression shifts, he knows he’s hit the nail on the head. “Of course. Jungsoo, let’s go.”

“But why━?”

Jungsoo never does get a chance to finish his question. His words are swallowed up by the sharp  _ rat-a-tat _ of gunfire, and the screams that follow.

They turn around just in time to see his parents crumple to the floor.

“You have refused to cooperate with the law,” a man’s voice says tonelessly. “We have been authorized to use lethal force.”

_ HOLY SHIT. _

“Heechul. Son, look at me.”

_ We’re all going to die. _

Hands seize Heechul’s face, forcing him to look into his mother’s eyes.

“I need you to take Jungsoo and run as fast and far away as you can,” she tells him, her trembling lips the only sign that she’s just as scared as he is.

“What, and leave you here!?”

“Your father and I will hold them off. Whatever you do, don’t look back.” Her eyes are watery as she pushes him in the right direction. “I love you. Now run!”

Heechul opens his mouth, but the lump in his throat makes it impossible to speak. Still, what would he say? What is there to say to someone who has already made up their mind to give their life for yours?

The ominous sound of footsteps brings the word into too-sharp focus. Heechul is so hyper-aware of every sensation, from the crackling static of the policemen’s radios to the sounds of his own breathing, that the world around him seems almost unreal.

_ Now run! _

Before he can second-guess himself, Heechul grabs Jungsoo and sprints toward the back door. And while the older of the two isn’t crying, the look of shocked devastation of his face is nearly enough to make Heechul break down.

“Open fire!”

_ Don’t look back. _

Heechul curses every god he doesn’t believe in that he’s a second too slow to miss his mother’s scream.

⋙

“The police killed all four of them in cold blood. We only found out later that it was through one of the Capital’s first underhanded plans: demand tribute from the Outsiders who didn’t want to move into their utopia, and kill those who resisted. Bastards.

“Jungsoo and I ran back to what was left of my house to hide, since we didn’t know where else to go. We probably looked pathetic ━ a pair of twenty-five-year-olds sitting in the middle of the ruins, just holding each other and crying our eyes out.”

Heechul’s sharp gaze focuses on the room’s occupants. “Just so we’re clear, none of this story leaves the room. Understood?”

“A hundred percent,” Hyukjae answers for the rest. “But Heechul...if you don’t want to tell this story, you don’t have to. We can just go get drinks or something instead.”

Kyuhyun looks the most apologetic of them all. “I second that. Don’t feel obligated to humour me.”

_ You get thrown in the hospital once, and people think you’re made of glass. Honestly… _

“I’m fine. All of you deserve to know, and the story deserves to be told. Besides, we already started, didn’t we? Kim Heechul doesn’t do things half-assed.”

He feels Han Geng give his arm a comforting squeeze, and flashes him a brief smile before he continues.

“Back to the story. The police were still skulking around the Cluster, so we knew we had to leave. We stopped back by the bomb shelter, gathered as much food and water as we could carry, and high-tailed it east.”

“There wasn’t enough time to bury our parents,” Jungsoo says softly. “But we couldn’t just leave them like that. So right before we left, Heechul smashed one of the windows and tossed in the matches from the shelter. We were long gone by the time the place was on fire, but…”

“Maybe it made those damn policemen think twice about slaughtering another family.”

“Exactly.” Jungsoo gives Heechul a sheepish smile. “But I interrupted you again. We were just leaving the Cluster.”

“This is becoming a regular thing for you, old man.”

“Says the one who was born the same year I was.”

“You’re lucky I’m in a nostalgic mood right now, or I’d tell everyone about the whipped cream incident when we were fifteen.” Jungsoo’s wide eyes are an immediate indicator of the other’s victory. “That’s what I thought.”

“Back on track, Heechul,” Sungmin tells him with a wry smile. “The night isn’t getting any younger.”

“Our mindless wandering from the Cluster isn’t all that interesting of a story, to be honest. We walked for about a day and a half without finding anything, took turns keeping watch while we slept.

“There  _ is _ one interesting tidbit, though. To distract ourselves from losing it entirely, we decided to get angry. Like, a stick-it-to-the-man, overthrow-the-government kind of angry. We had this idea in our heads of becoming some rebellious dynamic duo: Jungsoo would be our leader, the brains behind the operation, and I’d be our face ━ intimidate the Capital and have the firepower to back it up.”

Heechul can’t help the grin that appears on his face. “And you know what we were going to call ourselves? The Resistance. That, kids, was the beginning of our island of misfit toys.”

“You’re not going to end here, are you?” Ryeowook hasn’t spoken up until now, but he looks thoroughly disappointed at the possibility.

“Of course not. I haven’t even gotten to the fun parts yet. Or to meeting any of you, which, you know, I’d assumed were the parts you’re all waiting for anyway. Speaking of which, it’s someone’s turn. Let’s go back to the end of that day and a half…”


	3. Chapter 3

**October 7th, 2016**

They’ve been walking for what seems like ages. The Capital is no longer in sight, nor their Cluster, which should make them feel safe. It would, if they weren’t so exhausted, the bags on their backs feeling heavier by the hour.

“Listen, Heechul, I know we didn’t really have a destination in mind, but...we’re going to end up  _ somewhere _ soon, aren’t we?”

“We’ll have to at some point. Besides, I’m sure we’ll hit an irradiated patch soon and not be able to━ _ Agh! _ ”

Heechul breaks off with a frankly embarrassing yelp as his foot finds nothing but empty air underneath its next step. The fall would have been even worse had he not scrambled to hold onto the edge of the hole in the ground, sparing himself from sliding down━ where those stairs?

“Heechul! Are you okay?”

“I managed not to kill myself, so that’s a start.” He regains his footing once again, brushing off the dirt that clung to his pants. “What the hell is this place?”

The staircase looms in front of him, leading even deeper underground. There’s a door visible at the bottom, but it’s impossible to say whether it would be very smart or very idiotic to check inside.

And Heechul doesn’t do ‘very idiotic’.

Jungsoo peers over the other’s shoulder at the entrance, seeming much more optimistic.

“We might have found it,” he says with a hint of excitement. “This could be our place to stay.”

“It could also be a deathtrap. Did you bring along any weapons?”

“I have a couple pounds of reduced-sugar protein bars?”

Heechul doesn’t offer that a response, but he can’t help but consider Jungsoo’s words: a place to stay. How long did they have to look for somewhere safe? The policemen must have seen him and Jungsoo run out the back; just because there isn’t anyone pursuing them now doesn’t mean they aren’t on a watchlist somewhere. A different Cluster might not be safe from the Capital’s prying eyes.

Jungsoo must read into the other’s resigned sigh, because his “so we’re going in?” hardly sounds like a question.

“Only if you’re careful. It would be pretty pathetic of us to die before we even start paying Mayor Park back for the blood he’s spilled.”

Jungsoo backs away as if he’s been slapped. “Don’t talk about it. Please, I’m begging you.”

“Sorry.” Heechul immediately regrets the words that had tumbled out of his mouth. “You don’t have to beg me for anything. I didn’t mean to say it. I just…”

_ Shit, don’t cry again. Compartmentalize, Heechul. You can lose it later when you’re alone. _

“You don’t have to explain,” Jungsoo says softly. He’s using that one tone of his, the compassionate one that never fails to bring Heechul even the smallest level of comfort. “We’re doing this for them, aren’t we? Let’s do it right.”

“By walking blindly into the possible deathtrap?” The words come out weaker than he’s intended.

“By walking blindly into the possible deathtrap.”

It’s good, at least, to see that one of them is still half-decent at faking confidence.

=

The space behind the mystery door isn’t what Heechul expected in the slightest.

For one thing, they aren’t incinerated and/or jumped the second they step inside. It also lacks the stink of decaying human flesh he’d pictured in his mind. The most surprising thing, though, has to be the fact that they aren’t in pitch darkness ━ there’s actual electricity lighting up the large room they’re standing in.

“A little different from having nothing but candles to rely on after the sun goes down,” Heechul muses aloud. This is...fairly impressive. What is it doing in the middle of nowhere?

Jungsoo stares at their surroundings in fascination. “Much. It’s incredible; there must be generators on the lower level that were safe from the blasts.”

“We’ll have plenty of time to check it out.”

It’s an off-hand comment, one that Heechul doesn’t think much about, which is why the wide smile on Jungsoo’s face confuses him until the latter asks his next question.

“So we’re staying?”

Oh. The answer to that is much more significant than the question implies. Are they going to make a home here? Are they really going to follow through with this crazy plan to take on the Capital by themselves? Not long ago, in the heat of the moment, Heechul would have answered with a resounding “yes.” Is it still the same answer now?

_ Hell yes, it is. _

“Let’s do a full walkthrough first. We’re not about to get robbed while we’re sleeping just because we didn’t spot-check the other rooms.”

“Of course. Basement first?”

“After you.”

They’re really going to do this. It’s going to start right here. As Heechul follows Jungsoo down the stairs, he tries to imagine himself walking there in a few months and having it feel like home. The thought is almost surreal.

“I was right. There  _ are _ generators,” Jungsoo says proudly, and Heechul looks up to see a basement that can only be described as elaborate: a giant computer with a multi-monitor display that takes up an entire wall, the generators Jungsoo mentioned filling the room with a steady hum, and...hold on.

“Jungsoo, wait!” he calls, and that’s the only warning before a figure fully materializes from the shadows.

It’s a young man, a bit doughy around the edges but no less threatening than he seems to be going for ━ the loaded handgun aimed in their direction certainly helps.

“Who are you two? Police?” the stranger asks, a hard edge to his voice. “I won’t hesitate to shoot.”

Heechul opens his mouth to say something he’ll probably regret, so it’s a good thing Jungsoo beats him to the punch.

“We’re not police. They’re actually who we’re running from.”

“So you just decided to waltz in here?”

“The door was unlocked. And we weren’t looking for it; my friend fell through the opening to the stairs.”

The stranger looks skeptical, but at least he lowers his gun. “Then tell me why you’re on the run. Said something you shouldn’t have? Stole from the wrong people?”

“They murdered our parents.” Heechul is surprised how Jungsoo can say it so bluntly, even considering the circumstances. “We’d be dead, too, if we hadn’t left when we did, and now we’re trying to make their sacrifices mean something.”

A short bark of laughter bursts out of the stranger. “What, by hiding out in some abandoned military bunker? That doesn’t seem very heroic.”

_ How dare━ _

“We’re going to fight,” Jungsoo says, deadly serious. “The two of us wanted this to be our base, so we could have a place to return to where the Capital’s people couldn't follow. We’re calling ourselves the Resistance.”

“The…?” The stranger pauses a moment, giving a half-hearted shrug. “There’s worse names, I guess.” He regards the two of them carefully. “You serious about this?”

“More than I’ve ever been. I’m Park Jungsoo, this is Kim Heechul, and if you want to help, you’re welcome to join us.”

_ There’s no way. _

“Shin Donghee. The police dragged my parents off to god-knows where, and I’d be all for teaching them a lesson. Provided I get the basement to myself.”

“Deal.”

The Resistance has found its home.

⋙

“We still, in all honesty, had no idea what we were doing. But at least we had the Bunker and our blind idealism; it was enough to keep us going.

“Jungsoo was voted leader immediately, and he was feeling generous that day, so he made me Strategist instead of The Face. Donghee volunteered to be our techie ━ he figured out how to reactivate the fingerprint lock on the entrance panel, and then added all of our prints to the system. We...felt much cooler than we actually were.

“The Bunker had been stocked with a few things that hadn’t gone bad, and combined with our and Donghee’s supplies, it was enough to last us at least a little while. Jungsoo took the upstairs office for himself, I picked the best room ━ no, Hyukjae, they are  _ not  _ all the same ━ and we settled in.

“I think it was...three days until our first ‘mission’? Four? Donghee was monitoring one of the police frequencies, and he overheard an order for another extortion scheme, just like what had happened to us. The targets were a family of three, just outside of a nearby Cluster. So we got there about an hour before the policemen were supposed to show up…”


	4. Chapter 4

**October 10th, 2016 - Unnamed Cluster**

“No.”

Heechul’s head whips around so he can look at Jungsoo in disbelief, not entirely trusting that he’s heard correctly.

“You’re giving my plan a ‘no’? I thought I was the Strategist!”

“And I’m the leader. Donghee trusted us with this mission, and we’re not going to let his information go to waste just because you don’t trust anyone besides yourself.”

“I trust you, don’t I?”

“Heechul.”

“Fine,” the man in question relents. “But for the record, if things go south because these people won’t cooperate, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

It’s almost maddening, Heechul thinks to himself, that the success of their first operation as the Resistance is dependent on how willing this family is to believe them. Maybe they’ll surprise him, but Heechul prides himself on not being wrong.

(Often.)

“Now or never,” he says aloud. “You want to do the talking, fearless leader?”

Jungsoo elbows him in the side, but doesn’t argue. Their position is abandoned in favor of going straight up the path to the front door.

It feels...strange to be doing something so seemingly normal when they’re technically still on the run. Kind of hard to picture themselves as Resistance fighters when they’re walking around unarmed in broad daylight.

_ Have to start from somewhere, I guess. _

Jungsoo knocks twice on the door, giving Heechul a few short seconds to twist his own face into an expression that doesn’t read “I am incredibly annoyed by this current situation”. The thought of this being over se he can take about a month-long nap almost makes it work.

The woman who answers the door looks exhausted, her hair pulled up into a frazzled bun and an apron tied around her waist. It seems almost cruel to have to tell her that whatever has her so tired is about to become the least of her problems.

“Can I help you?” she asks, not unkindly but still understandably wary.

Heechul sees Jungsoo noticeably straighten his spine, trying to look as respectable as he can in his worn-out clothes.

“Actually, ma’am,” The Resistance leader says, “We’re here to help  _ you _ , if you’ll let us.”

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t know if you’ve heard, ma’am, but the Capital is sending teams of policemen to forcefully take resources from people who refused to move to the city. We’ve heard from a reliable source that they’re planning on targeting you and your family next.”

The look on the woman’s face is...less than ideal. Instead of curious or worried, she looks ready to call the police on them.

Which is quite ironic, given the circumstances.

“Look, young man, I have no idea what you’d hoped to gain by tricking me into believing that my family is in danger━”

“It’s not a trick. They honestly━”

“But I would suggest that you and your friend take your schemes elsewhere before I call my husband. Good day.”

She begins to shut the door.

“Ma’am, please!”

The desperation in Jungsoo’s voice makes both the woman and Heechul freeze.

“Please,” Jungsoo repeats. He’s so much more convincing like this, real and raw instead of the act he’d been putting on earlier.

“I’m telling you the truth. It’s been less than a week since policemen killed my parents, and I wasn’t even given the chance to say goodbye.” He bows his head. “I can’t have the same thing that happened to my family happen to someone else’s.”

There’s a moment of silence before the woman visibly shudders, opening the door a little wider. Heechul still thinks she might kick them out, either from disbelief or panic, but her next words are steady.

“When are they coming?”

=

After Jungsoo’s speech, it’s relatively easy to convince the woman to help them with their plan. She agrees to arm them with the most effective weapon in her home’s arsenal (also known as a solid wooden baseball bat), as well as let them hide behind the dying trees by the entrance, where they are now.

“Stall them,” Jungsoo had told her. “Just keep them talking and don’t let them know we’re here. The moment it looks like they’re about to get violent, we’ll protect you.”

Heechul has to admit that he sees Jungsoo in a different light after his little display earlier ━ not a bad one, just different. It had seemed like an obvious choice for Jungsoo to be the leader of their budding group, simply on principle of being the oldest, but now it appears to be an even wiser one. Things Heechul hadn’t known about Jungsoo: he was a natural leader.

They might not be as crazy as Heechul had thought for kicking the Capital’s metaphorical wasp nest.

Motion catches his eye, and he looks up to see Jungsoo signalling him from the opposite side of the door, still hidden. The policemen are here.

Heechul carefully maneuvers himself so that he can keep an eye on the two approaching men without being detected.

Jungsoo better have that bat ready.

How cruel, Heechul wonders, does someone have to be to carry out an order like this? How heartless did someone have to be to murder entire families simply because they were commanded to? Or, as the case probably was, how much did they have to be paid?

Heechul’s blood boils beneath his skin.

The men knock on the door, and are immediately greeted by who Heechul assumes is the man of the house. Their conversation starts out civil enough, but Heechul still re-balances himself on the balls of his feet, ready to pounce. In his peripheral vision, he sees Jungsoo doing the same.

“We have an official order from the Capital,” one policeman is saying. “If you’ll sign the agreement, we can confiscate the necessary supplies. I’m sure you understand the importance of pooling resources together in the city.”

Heechul wonders if this is the same bullshit they’ve tried to sell Jungsoo’s parents ━ the same bare-faced lie to justify making the rich even richer.

“I’m afraid I  _ don’t  _ understand, Officer. In fact, I disagree.” The man of the house crosses his arms defiantly. “Our property isn’t yours to take.”

“I would advise you to think twice about your answer when your wife and child are just inside.”

“Is that a threat?”

The tension in the air suddenly spikes.

_ This is it _ , Heechul thinks with a grimace.  _ Any moment now. _

He catches Jungsoo’s eye, and sees the other take a deep breath before he nods his head, mouthing, “go!”.

He leaps. The guard nearest to him doesn’t even get the chance to turn around before Heechul’s arms are locked tightly around his neck, cutting off his air supply. Next to him, there’s a sharp  _ crack!  _ as Jungsoo knocks the other man out cold with the baseball bat.

Two for two, and not even a scratch. Maybe they’re cut out for this, after all. That, or there’s just a hell of a lot of luck on their side.

Either way, Resistance: 1, Capital: 0.

⋙

“I can still remember the expression on that father’s face,” Heechul says with a snort. “To be fair, I’d be shocked, too, if I was him. It’s not everyday that someone ━quite expertly, I might add━ takes out two lawmen standing a foot from your front door.”

Jungsoo takes over for him. “The family was generous enough to give us food and water in return for keeping them safe. It started a trend that, in all honesty, kept us alive, since the only money we had to buy supplies with was whatever Heechul and I took with us when we left our Cluster.”

“And this is why I’m glad I joined  _ after  _ you stopped being dirt poor,” Kyuhyun pipes up.

Heechul shoots him a look. “Good to see the past few months haven’t made you any less of a brat. Don’t worry, we’ll get to the pretty rich boy in a little while.”

On the other side of the room, Sungmin gives a coy smile.

“After we accepted the family’s gifts,” Jungsoo continues, with a pointed look at Heechul, “we reported in with one of the policemen’s radios telling their captain that the family had been killed. It would either slow the system down enough for them to move somewhere safe, or it would ensure they were protected if they stayed. I’m still not sure which ended up being true.”

“Then we stripped those bastards of their weapons and ammo,” Heechul adds. “This mission had turned out fine, but we weren’t about to walk into another without at least having a gun.

_ “ _ They were still unconscious, so we carried them to a clearing about a mile out from the Cluster. I personally thought we should tie them to a post in the middle of the neighborhood and tell everyone what they tried to do, but according to Jungsoo that would have been ‘inhumane’ and ‘wrong’. It was a shame.”

More seriously, he says, “That was when we had our first...moral crisis, let’s call it. Keep in mind that these weren’t Drones; they were people, even if they’d been willing to murder entire families. Jungsoo and I discussed it, and we made it a clear-cut policy going forward: we would do everything in our power to not kill the people working for the Capital. And actually, I think we’ve managed to uphold that policy even until now, so good job.

“But, of course, just because we agreed not to kill them didn’t mean that we weren’t going to send a message. We wrote a few sentences on the back of their bullshit agreement they were carrying around ━ something along the lines of ‘the people are under our protection’ and ‘we’re not tricked by your lies’, signed with ‘The Resistance’. It’s not like we were naive enough to think they would take it seriously, but it would be ironic, wouldn’t it? After we became a threat, they could look back and regret letting us get away with so much.”

Jungsoo’s lips press together in a thin line. “Not that they would have had the time to deal with us anyway. They were too busy test-driving their new Drone program.”

“That was…?” Heechul trails off for a brief moment. “Hell, you’re right; it was that early. Turns out that instead of just killing Outsiders off, the Capital was also kidnapping them for tests. I don’t know how many they took, but it must have been so many people...it took them less than a month to perfect the process: imprisonment to wear you down, an injection to wipe your humanity, and a microchip to ensure you became part of the horde. Like something straight out of a dystopia. Of course, we didn't know all of that at the time; we knew about the process, not the scale of the kidnappings. But I digress.

“We did two or three more rescue missions after the first, all very similar, but it was still policemen we were up against. We’d only heard about the Drones, not seen them.”

“Until the first raid,” Jungsoo says gravely.

“Right. Speaking of which…” Heechul looks up at the pair on the opposite couch, unusually hesitant. “Hyukjae, Donghae...I can skim the raid, if you want. It’s not entirely my story to tell.”

The glance Hyukjae exchanges with the man next to him is brief, but clearly meaningful. When he turns his eyes back to Heechul, saying “we’ve made peace with it. Go ahead,” the expression on his face is a resigned sort of sadness. But there seems to be truth to his words: even Donghae looks like he’s come to terms with this stain on their shared history.

“If you’re sure.” Heechul turns back to the rest of the group, slipping back into his narrative role.

“Soon after Mayor Park’s mad scientists got their Drones fully functional, they started planning larger-scale operations, raids on entire Clusters instead of house-by-house extortions. They weren’t short on firepower with an army of mindless husks, so they got away with it.

“Donghee got wind of one of the earlier raids only because there was a warning. A few policemen had come to this particular Cluster a day earlier, demanding that all the Outsiders there turn themselves in to the Capital ━ probably to become Drones, if you ask me ━ on the threat of extermination. A handful of them agreed out of fear, but the majority stayed. So we headed over to warn them about the impending raid…”


	5. Chapter 5

**October 16th, 2016 - Unnamed Cluster**

Heechul’s lookout spot on an abandoned third-floor balcony is silent, other than the sound of his own heartbeat. The day-to-day background noise of people going about their usual business is absent; even when they don’t know of the threat closing in, it seems like the Cluster itself is holding its breath.

Jungsoo is down on the ground, going from door to door and warning as many as he can about the attack, while Heechul remains in a low crouch, staring through the scope of his rifle at the area just outside the Cluster’s walls. If the Drones are planning on slipping in unnoticed, they’re going to be in for a nasty surprise.

The thought barely finishes forming when a shape catches Heechul’s eye, making him curse under his breath.

_ Here we go _ .

He presses a finger to his earpiece ━ a new toy that Donghee had sent with them for this mission.

“Jungsoo, they’re here.”

A voice crackles back through the earpiece. “ _ Damn it, they’re early! I’ve only gotten to four houses!” _

“I think it’s going to be more important that we can act as front-line defense...there’s around ten of them, all armed.”

“ _ Ten? _ ” A frustrated sigh sounds from the other end of the line. “ _ I guess I’ll refer to you for our plan. _ ”

“Where are you right now?”

_ “At your five o'clock, near the north entrance. _ ”

Heechul takes one more glance at the approaching figures in the distance, weighing his options.

“The Cluster’s scrapyard is at my one o’clock. It should give you cover on the ground while I cover you from up top.”

“ _ West side? _ ”

“West side. We can take them out as they come in, and then regroup back at the north entrance for any who break off.”

_ “So there  _ was _ a reason I agreed to let you be Strategist. _ ”

“No one likes a smartass, Jungsoo.”

There’s a brief snort before the connection is cut, and Heechul is back to the eerie silence of before. Only this time, he isn’t scanning the area. He has his crosshair trained on the Drone leading the pack, his finger eagerly waiting on the trigger for the instant the abomination will be in range.

_ Just a little closer… _

At the very moment that the Drones cross into the Cluster, Heechul sees Jungsoo dash toward the scrapyard, diving behind a pile of debris and just missing a spray of gunfire.

If their earpieces still had an open channel, Heechul would have yelled at him for being so reckless. But as it is, that will accomplish nothing except giving away his position on the balcony ━ something he still has to take advantage of.

Blocking out the sound of shooting down below, Heechul readjusts his rifle back to aiming at the nearest Drone. One more look through the scope, one more breath, and…

_ Fire. _

The bullet zips through the air, embedding itself into the Drone’s skull.

Much later that day, Heechul will look back and realize that the shot is his first kill, the first blood on his hands that will thankfully never be from anyone beyond Drones. For the moment, though, he’s too focused on covering Jungsoo to think about the shot’s implications.

Another shot from Heechul’s rifle rings out; another Drone falls. Except this time, they notice. The four Drones still standing pause in their attack, turning Heechul’s way in disturbing synchrony.

He has just enough time to drop to the ground before assault rifle-fire erupts above his head, one bullet coming close enough to rip a hole in the top of his sleeve.

_ Too close. _

A beep sounds in his ear, and he brings a finger up to activate his earpiece before shuffling backward to safety on his hands and knees.

_ “Heechul!”  _ Jungsoo’s voice shouts over the connection. The distorted sounds of the firefight below filter in through the static. “ _ Did they shoot you? Are you hurt?” _

Heechul only realizes he’s shaking from the adrenaline rush when he tries to speak. “I’m...fine. Their aim was terrible. How are things going down there?”

“ _ There’s only two left. The mayor might have an army, but they’re not trained. I think we have at least a few more months before their threat is more than sheer numbers and  _ ━  _ Wait, hold on.” _

Gunfire suddenly replaces the other’s voice.

“Hey, Jungsoo? If you need my help, I can probably get one more shot in before they fire at me again.”

There’s a few seconds of static before he gets a response.

“ _ Yeah, that would be━” bang! “━really helpful. Take out the one on the left, and━” bang! “━I can get the last one. We can run over and secure the second entrance.” _

“Got it. Count down from ten, and I’ll fire.”

With that, Heechul severs the connection, taking a breath to get back into his zone from before. This shot will be no different from the first, only now he’s aiming while down on his stomach.

And if he misses, he might get his best friend killed.

_ Calm down. Jungsoo trusts you with his life, so the least you can do is trust yourself. _

The sniper rifle is slotted between two of the balcony rails, held tightly in Heechul’s grip. He props himself up on his elbows, takes a good, long look down the sight, and readies his trigger finger.

“Two...one...fire.”

One .308 bullet lodged directly above the Drone’s left temple. Its body goes still for a moment before careening to the side, nearly knocking over its companion.

Jungsoo doesn’t hesitate a second before shooting the last opponent point-blank between the eyes.

“Nice job,” Heechul says with a satisfied smile, before remembering that Jungsoo can’t hear him. Not bothering to turn the earpiece back on, he shouts, “I’ll be right there!” in the other’s general direction and hopes he’s gotten the message.

Heechul has never raced down three flights of stairs so quickly in his life.

Thankfully, Jungsoo is waiting for him just outside the entrance, a relieved look on his face and a spare gun in his hand ━ something much more practical than the bulky death machine now strapped to Heechul’s back.

“Good job,” Heechul says again, taking the weapon. “All that’s left is to check out the North side and then we’re safe.”

“I’m just glad everything’s going so━”

The sound of nearby screaming silences Jungsoo’s thought, both of them immediately taking off toward the source of the noise.

“I thought you said there were only two entrances!” Jungsoo yells as they run.

“There  _ are  _ only two that are accessible from the outside! The south gate can only be opened from within the Cluster, which means…”

“An inside job.”

Heechul shakes his head angrily. “I’m guessing it wasn’t the first betrayal since the bombs dropped. Or that it’ll be the last.”

“But how could someone agree to helping their own Cluster get exterminated?”

“Maybe they were promised a fortune by the mayor. Maybe it was one of the Capital’s people posing as an Outsider. Whatever it was, we’ll stop what they started.”

Another scream, closer this time, punctates his statement, and the two alter their course, footsteps pounding on the pavement.

“They have to be nearby,” Heechul insists. “Unless they’re in a full-out sprint, we have to catch up to━”

“There!”

Heechul’s gaze follows to where Jungsoo is pointing just in time to see two armed figures disappear into one house’s entryway.

_ Almost have them! _

They push their legs as fast as they can, down the street and up the front steps. Gunfire erupts heartbeats before they burst in through the door, silenced by a bullet in both Drones’ backs.

It would feel more like a victory if there weren’t other bodies on the floor.

“Oh, god…” Jungsoo says in hardly a whisper. “We were too late.”

The horror in his voice matches Heechul’s own, matches the bile he can feel building up in the back of his throat. He’s seen death before, but this...this is too much.

_ Look at it objectively _ , he tells himself in an attempt to keep calm.  _ What do you notice? _

“There must have been two families living together,” he says, sounding deceptively put-together. “I count five people.”

Jungsoo seems to catch on. “Four adults,” he adds. “One family had a daughter. And I know you won’t believe it, but…” He looks away from the bodies. “At least they might all be together now.”

For once, Heechul holds his tongue.

“I guess the two of us aren’t enough to save everyone,” he says instead, a bitter taste in his mouth. “These should be the last of the Drones, but we should check to make sure.”

_ Thump! _

A faint noise comes from the back of the house, putting them both on guard. Heechul gestures for Jungsoo to follow, and they slink toward the other rooms, guns drawn and footsteps as quiet as they can manage.

_ Thump. _

It sounds again, just inside the door on their right. Heechul catches the other’s gaze, jerking his head toward the door.

“ _ On three,”  _ he mouths silently. “ _ One...two…” _

Heechul slams the door open, and is pinned with his back to the ground before he even registers being tackled, cold hands squeezing his throat. Struggling turns out to be useless; the attacker’s body keeps his lower body pressed in place, leaving only his hands to helplessly claw at those choking him. His gun is just out of reach. If he stretches, can he…?

“Let him go,” Jungsoo orders, sounding deadly serious.

The hands release Heechul’s throat, and once he’s coughed enough oxygen back into his lungs to breathe again, he sees why: Jungsoo has his own gun aimed directly at the attacker’s head.

Still, the attacker doesn’t move. He remains perched on top of Heechul, keeping the Strategist incapacitated. He’s stronger than he looks ━ a young man, lanky, with a dark fringe that hangs low over single eyelids.

“Who are you?” The attacker demands. “What do you want?”

Jungsoo is on the brink of answering when another figure flies out of the room, planting himself in front of the attacker with arms spread.

“Don’t shoot!” the newcomer shouts. He seems to stretch his body even further to shield the other, blocking Heechul’s view of Jungsoo. “Please, don’t shoot!”

“Damn it, Donghae! I thought I told you to stay hidden!” The attacker turns to face the newcomer ━Donghae━ and manages to dig his knees even more uncomfortably into Heechul’s sides.

Donghae doesn’t show that he’s heard the other’s words. He stays rooted to the spot, presumably locked in a staredown with Jungsoo. He could even be intimidating if Heechul didn’t have a clear view of his legs shaking. That just makes him feel like a bully for being part of the reason the other man is so scared.

“I’m not going to sit and hide while these people try to kill you,” Donghae says firmly, with only the slightest tremble in his voice.

Jungsoo must have been thinking the same thing as Heechul. After giving the first attacker a quick warning look, he lowers his gun, saying, “I’m not going to shoot anyone, okay? We’re here to  _ stop _ people from dying.”

The attacker’s eyes narrow. “So you’re not with the police?”

“We’re with the Resistance. I’m Jungsoo, and this is Heechul. I give you my word that we won’t hurt you.” As an afterthought, he adds, “Now please get off of my friend.”

There’s a moment of hesitation from the attacker, during which Heechul starts to weigh the pros and cons of headbutting him in the face. Fortunately, he finally stands up, allowing blood to flow to the Strategist’s legs again.

(Heechul may or may not “accidentally” kick the other main in the groin while picking himself up off the floor. The grunt of pain he gets in response may or may not make his day.)

“Jungsoo and Heechul, huh?” The attacker asks, as Heechul goes to stand beside Jungsoo. “I’m Hyukjae; this is Donghae. And I’m pretty sure I’ve never heard of the Resistance.”

“Not many people have,” Heechul mutters, at the same time that Jungsoo says, “We’re a group that’s doing our best to stop raids like this one from tearing more Clusters apart. We want to be people’s front-line defense and offense against the Capital.”

Hyukjae looks at the Resistance leader curiously, like he’s trying to figure out if the other is serious or not. “That’s...ambitious.” He finally says. “But somehow I’m guessing you’re fighting a losing battle.”

Donghae’s expression suddenly grows worried. “The raid,” he says. “Hyukjae, we have to check on Sora and our parents.” He’s walking away from the conversation into the other room before Heechul can fully process his words.

Too late, Heechul remembers what awaits him in the other room.

“Wait!” he calls out after Donghae. For the briefest of moments, he makes eye contact with Hyukjae, who puts two and two together even before Heechul can begin to explain himself.

“Shit,” Hyukjae says with wide eyes, and he’s in the lead as the three of them rush to get to Donghae in time.

They’re not quick enough.

It’s almost like losing his own parents again, the way Heechul sees Donghae’s heart slowly break, sees his face crumple in on itself. He’s so still, it almost seems like he’ll never move from that one spot, staring in disbelief at the loved ones that the Capital has ripped away from him.

“Oh, god, Hae…”

Hyukjae closes the distance between them in seconds, turning Donghae away from the bodies and wrapping his arms securely around the other’s frozen form.

“ _ Ssh _ , don’t think about it, okay?” he says softly, carding his fingers through Donghae’s hair when the other starts to cry in earnest. “Just focus on me.”

The moment is so intimate that even Heechul feels the need to turn his gaze elsewhere.

Hyukjae’s eyes find what Donghae’s saw just moments before, and he visibly shudders. Giving the other’s head one last comforting stroke, he murmurs, “wait here,” and approaches what remains of their families.

God, does Heechul want to look away. It’s horrible to watch Hyukjae kneel next to his father’s body, checking for a pulse only to come away with shaking hands and the cold slap of reality. But he feels, even though this isn’t his moment to experience, that someone should witness Hyukjae’s courage. Someone should know how he swallows his own despair to grab on to one last fading spark of hope.

Hyukjae doesn’t shatter the way Donghae does, but Heechul still sees him break. He covers his face with his hands, silent sobs shaking his body.

_ We can’t let this happen again. I won’t watch another family go through this. I can’t. _

Heechul has to admire how quickly Hyukjae pulls himself together. He squares his shoulders, wipes his eyes, and goes to Donghae’s side, looping a protective arm around the other’s waist.

“Let me fight with you,” Hyukjae says darkly, the intensity in his voice almost frightening. “I want those bastards dead. The Drones, the Capital’s people who were behind this, everyone.”

_ He’s dangerous, _ is Heechul’s first thought, followed by,  _ But his anger could make him lethal. _

He shares a look with Jungsoo, who nods in confirmation before he turns back to Hyukjae.

“We’d be glad to have you,” Jungsoo says seriously. His gaze flickers between the two men in front of him. “I’m guessing the two of you will be coming together?”

Hyukjae would probably retract the arm curled so intimately around the man next to him if Donghae didn’t look so devastated. Something like fear flashes in his eyes.

“Will that be a problem” he asks defensively.

Heechul can give him a million reasons why it won’t be, but Jungsoo’s sympathetic smile and his soft “not at all” are probably just what Hyukjae needs.

They’ve saved a lot of lives that day ━ Heechul can’t let himself forget that. If they hadn’t stopped the Drones, the whole Cluster could be reduced to rubble. But it’s hard to think about their success when he’s surrounded by proof that it’s impossible to have a victory without losses.

“We’ll give you some time alone,” Heechul tells them, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling that settles in his stomach. “Meet us at the west gate when you’re ready to go.”

It’s hard to feel like a hero when all he can see is Donghae still weeping brokenly at Hyukjae’s side.

⋘

The silence in the room is absolute, almost stifling. It makes Heechul shift uncomfortably in his seat, makes him wonder if he’s made the right decision. Even with permission, sharing the story suddenly seems like a complete invasion of privacy. And that’s coming from someone who’s generally very liberal with spreading information about his fellow members.

“I’m sorry,” he says to Hyukjae, genuinely apologetic. “Was it too much?”

Hyukjae shakes his head, drawing Donghae just the slightest bit closer to him. “I meant what I said before. We’ve made peace with it. I’m just glad you and Jungsoo showed up when you did, because if you hadn’t...we would both be dead. Now the best we can do is try to make our parents proud, even if they can’t be here with us.”

“And I would trust all of you with any of my stories,” Donghae says, finally speaking up. “You became my family when I didn't have one anymore.”

_ Goddamnit, Donghae, don’t make me cry. _

“But this isn’t all about us,” Hyukjae insists. “You’ve still got a lot of members left, and it’s getting dark.”

Heechul is half-tempted to reply with a “we were having a  _ moment _ , Hyukjae,” but he has to admit that the other man has a point. Today isn’t a day for brooding over what they can’t change; it’s a day for reflection and bringing the group closer together.

The story has to go on.

“If you insist,” Heechul relents. “I suppose you’re all expecting another overview, huh? I won’t disappoint.”

The group seems to collectively start breathing again.

“There was no such thing as ‘Shadow Squad’ or ‘Boom Squad’ back then. Hyukjae and Donghae joined as soldiers ━ we added their fingerprints to the security system and gave them a room in the Bunker. You’ll notice I said ‘room’ and not ‘rooms’, to no one’s surprise.”

On the other couch, Jungsoo shoots the pair in question a smile, saying fondly, “They came into the Resistance together, and they came out of it together, too.”

“Oh, don’t encourage them. I can hardly stand their neverending honeymoon phase as it is.” Before anyone can make a comment about how Heechul himself has been acting recently around another certain man in the room, he continues, “And I’ll just say it: they were  _ good _ . I wasn’t sure if adding more people would make the Resistance stronger, but the missions we did together were much easier with extra sets of hands.

“But I’ll also admit...Jungsoo and I kept a close eye on them. Hyukjae was in a dark place, more focused on his revenge than saving anyone, and Donghae was so quiet and withdrawn that I worried if he would ever be okay. It felt like it was only a matter of time until one of them cracked.

“Still, it wasn’t long before we added our next member. I’m sure you’re all curious how our favorite leader fell for our favorite muscle-man.”

“Heechul━”

“It all started about a week after we recruited the lovebirds…”


	6. Chapter 6

**October 24th, 2016 - Unnamed Cluster**

_ Another day, another mission _ , Heechul thinks to himself as he scans the perimeter.

They’ve been busy lately after the addition of their new team members. Hyukjae was insistent on jumping into the fray almost immediately after joining, and Jungsoo is still worried enough about his emotional state to where the whole group goes on every mission (sans Donghee, who is still monitoring the Capital’s communications).

Something good has definitely come out of spending time together: Heechul has learned that Hyukjae is the stealthiest of all of them, able to move like a ghost when he wants to stay hidden. And since Donghae has spent most of his life with the other man, he’s easily able to follow Hyukjae’s movements. That’s why now, as the group of four moves behind cover to be closer to the Drones up ahead, the pair of new recruits silently leads the way.

Hopefully, they can be as successful as during the last raid they’d stopped, when they’d managed to liberate the Cluster without losing a single civilian. The Resistance needed every morale boost it could get.

They’re less than twenty feet away when Hyukjae pauses behind an abandoned wagon, motioning the rest to stop. “On my mark,” he whispers. “Right...n━”

With a shot, a man bursts out of hiding on the opposite side of the street, rushing at the Drones with nothing but his bare hands.

“Cover him!” Jungsoo orders, stepping out of cover. “No one’s dying on our watch!”

Heechul aims as quickly as the words are out of the leader’s mouth, but he needn’t have bothered. Before any of them can get a shot in, the unnamed man is crashing two Drones’ heads together, then bull-rushing the one that remains.

“Throw me a gun!” the man calls, and Jungsoo is quick to toss one of his spare sidearms in the man’s general direction.

Next to him, Hyukjae mutters, “Who  _ is _ he?”, and almost as if on cue, the man turns to face the group.

“Kim Youngwoon,” he introduces himself without preamble. “You all are here to help?”

Jungsoo has never looked so taken aback. “Yes, but don’t you want to know━?”

“If we’re on the same side, that’s good enough for me. I was on my way over to the other side of the Cluster when I ran into you, so if you want to come along…”

It must be at least partially due to shock when Jungsoo agrees without more protest.

=

Youngwoon is a beast in battle. He’s lethal enough with his fist, but armed with a gun, the Drones on the other side of town don’t stand a chance.

With the others’ permission, Jungsoo immediately asks him to join the Resistance effort, and Youngwoon is more than willing to comply.

“I’ll be leaving my parents behind,” he tells them. “But joining up and fighting the Capital is the best way to keep them safe.” Later, he’ll add, “I’ve always thought it was my destiny to be a hero. Just wait ━ they’ll be cheering my name in the streets after we’ve won!”

Heechul would think he’s delusional if not for the display of strength earlier that day.

Back at the Bunker, Youngwoon seems impressed with their setup. He’s the first to join the group without not having anywhere else to go, so it’s surprisingly validating for their operation to get his stamp of approval.

“I have some ideas, though,” Youngwoon says. “What about this: we don’t have to get new identities, but we should at least change our names.”

“This isn’t a spy movie. We’re not using codenames,” Heechul tells him flatly.

“We can drop our family names,” Donghee suggests. At the look Heechul sends him, he shrugs. “What? He has a point. If there’s anyone even remotely connected to us, the Capital will try to go after them. I say we drop our family names and keep wearing facemasks outside of the Bunker.”

Youngwoon nods, clearly proud that his suggestion is catching on. “That’s the idea. Still, I say we go all the way with first names, too, if anyone wants to. I want to go by ‘Kangin’.”

“Kangin?”

“The literal meaning is ‘strong benevolence’. It’s a hero’s name, don’t you think?” He turns to look critically at Jungsoo. “And as for our leader...you should have a memorable name, too. ‘Leeteuk,’ maybe? A special name ━ literally, ‘special’━ for a special person.”

And Heechul can’t hold in his snicker because, wow, when was the last time he saw Jungsoo actually  _ blush _ ?

⋙

“I did not  _ blush _ , Heechul. Tell the story properly!”

“Sure you didn’t. Just like you’re not doing it right now.”

“I’m not━”

“So from that day forward, we started using different names. Even in the Bunker, with a few exceptions, we would call each other by the new ones, just so we wouldn’t slip up in public. Jungsoo, Youngwoon, Hyukjae, and Donghee were the first ones to change their names, but obviously they didn’t end up being the only ones. Moving on...who’s next?”

Hyukjae’s expression is uncharacteristically devious. “I’m pretty sure it’s our turn to make fun of you now.”

“Oh, hell no, I’m starting before any of you can try and fail to embarrass me.”

“That is the most hypocritical thing━!”

“Now I’ll skip forward a few days, to when I was starting the morning patrol of the Bunker…”

“Dammit, Heechul!”

⋘

**October 28th, 2016 - The Bunker**

Heechul’s least favorite Resistance duty is probably doing perimeter check. He’d caved when Jungsoo insisted on it, and has to admit that there’s some value in making sure that there’s nothing shady going on around the Bunker’s entrance, but still. The feeling of being an open target and possibly leading someone back to their hidden trapdoor outweighs the feeling of security for whoever is on watch. That, and the overwhelming boredom.

_ At least it’s over _ , Heechul thinks to himself as he unseals the entrance.  _ Maybe Donghee could actually use my help with a strategy, instead of sending me to admire who-knows-how-many square feet of wasteland _ .

A wasteland that isn’t as quiet as it was a few moments ago...are those footsteps?

“Excuse me, are you with the Resistance?” a stranger’s voice asks in accented Korean.

Heechul whirls around, gun in hand and  _ damn _ does he almost regret that he’s going to have to drag this stranger out of their territory kicking and screaming, because the guy is a  _ catch _ .

“Who’s asking?” Heechul demands rather aggressively, though he’s admittedly spending the time it takes for the other to respond to take inventory of a few essential things.

_ Arms? I’ll give him a 7 out of 10...or an 8, I’m feeling generous. Jawline that could cut steel. Nice. And for bonus points, his voice…? _

“I’m Han Geng. I’ve come to fight with the Resistance.”

_ Jackpot. Wait… _

“You seriously went through all the trouble of finding where we were hiding ━ and I’m not even going to ask how you did it ━ just so you could ask to join?”

“I’ve heard stories of what you’ve done, who you’ve saved. If there’s any way to prove that I’m telling the truth, anything I can do...I’ll gladly do it.”

_ I can certainly think of one or two━ _

_ Calm down, you hormonal excuse for an internal monologue. What if he’s not even interested in you? _

_ I’m Kim Heechul. What kind of a question is that? Also, why does my conscience sound suspiciously like Jungsoo? _

Sparing Heechul’s dignity once again, Jungsoo suddenly appears at the top of the Bunker’s stairs, asking, “What’s going on here?”

“Jungsoo? How did you even know to come check on me?”

“I heard voices; you left the entrance open.” Jungsoo trains his eyes on the man across from Heechul. “Do you know him?”

“This is Han Geng. He came to ask us to join up because, um…”

“Because the people deserve justice,” Han Geng finishes for him. “I was visiting from China when the bombs dropped, so I’m cut off from getting home. I can’t protect my family...but I can protect all the others. The citizens in the Capital, the Outsiders, everyone. That’s why I came to you.”

It’s a touching sentiment, but Jungsoo is only half-convinced; Heechul can see it in his eyes.

“Give us just a minute,” he says to Han Geng, and pulls Jungsoo a few feet away, just out of earshot.

Almost immediately, Jungsoo says in a harsh whisper, “Heechul, you can’t seriously think letting a stranger who ‘just happened to find us’ into the group is a good idea.”

“We’ve been best friends for over fifteen years. Please do this for me.”

The judgement on Jungsoo’s face almost,  _ almost _ makes him feel a bit ashamed of himself. “Really?  _ This _ is what you’re concerned with right now?” The Resistance leader asks, because it isn’t exactly subtle the way Heechul is still actively checking the newcomer out.

“Of course. Don’t you know me?” Jungsoo rolls his eyes at the statement, but before he can dismiss the conversation entirely, Heechul adds, “I’ll keep an eye on him, even though I personally think he’s plenty trustworthy. He’ll never leave my sight.”

“I don’t even want to think about what you’re planning to do to accomplish that. At least buy him dinner first, okay? Assuming he’s even interested in you.”

“You really  _ have _ replaced the voice of my conscience.”

“What?”

“Ignore that. Tell the guy the good news!”

It turns out that Han Geng’s smile is just as gorgeous as the rest of him.

“And now,” Heechul tells him, linking their arms together, “in honor of this moment, I’m giving you a complimentary tour of our headquarters. Any place you want to start?”

“Umm...wherever you’d like?”

A cheshire-cat grin stretches across Heechul’s face. “I have a feeling we’re going to get along wonderfully.”

⋙

“You treated him like a piece of meat, Heechul. What did he even see in you?”

“Shut up. This is before I had my emotional revelation about being in love.”

“Did you just━?”

  
“You heard nothing.  _ Nothing _ .”


	7. Chapter 7

**November 1st, 2016 - The Bunker:**

Han Geng wastes no time in contributing to the Resistance effort. Just mere days after his recruitment, he wants to introduce the Resistance to two contacts he has in a nearby Cluster, a relatively short hike away.

“One of them I met because we were both stranded here away from our mother country,” he tells Jungsoo and Heechul with fresh excitement still dancing in his eyes. “He’s a caravaning merchant, so he’s a good person to know. The other is his friend, the one who owns the business.”

Heechul looks at Jungsoo, already convinced. “We could try to set up a supply deal. It’d be a better alternative to looting the Drones’ things every time we shut down a raid.”

“If we actually had any money left other than the last of our reserve funds. Somehow I’m guessing this merchant isn’t going to let anything go for free, no matter how nice he is.”

“Jungsoo. Now you’re just  _ trying _ to be negative.”

A sigh from the Resistance leader. “Sorry, you’re right.” He turns apologetically to Han Geng. “It’s a good idea. If you lead the way, I’ll go talk to him as our representative.”

“And I’ll come along, too,” Heechul adds, ignoring the sharp look Jungsoo is throwing his way. “You’ll need someone to back you up if negotiations go sour.”

“There won’t be any danger if things don’t work out, but you’re more than welcome to come along if you want,” Han Geng agrees with a smile.

“Can’t get enough of me, huh?”

The other man’s smile widens, but before he can respond, Jungsoo is cutting in, “We should go right away. The longer we let ourselves go without supplies, the worse our chances. Han Geng, can you meet us at the entrance in a minute? There’s something I have to talk with Heechul about.”

_ Oh, great, here we go. _

The moment said man is out the door, after assuring them that he’ll have everything ready for the trek, Jungsoo turns on Heechul.

“You’re going to scare him away. I know what I said earlier, but stop it.”

“That’s pretty hypocritical, considering I saw you sucking face with Youngwoon in your office yesterday.”

He doesn’t think Jungsoo’s face has ever been this red.

“You…!? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I have pictures if you forgot.” When Jungsoo begins to advance on him threateningly, he immediately drops the act. “Okay, okay, I lied about that part. But I know what I saw.”

Jungsoo looks less panicked but no less embarrassed. “Look, it’s not...it wasn’t as scandalous as you’re making it sound, okay? We just kissed; it’s not like━” He takes one look at Heechul’s expression and stops. “Don’t give me that look! Why am I even telling you this?”

“Because it’s my solemn duty as your best friend to know all your secrets, so I can spill the really good ones.”

“ _ No _ !” 

The outburst takes Heechul by surprise, and even Jungsoo himself look startled.

“No,” he repeats. I know you might be joking, but I mean it: no one else can know.”

The grin falls from Heechul’s face. “Why be so against anyone finding out? It’s not like they won’t be happy for you. I mean, take Donghae and Hyukjae for example━”

“It’s different. As our leader, I need to be responsible. I shouldn’t be distracting myself. If they think I’m more focused on something else than I am on the Resistance…”

Heechul gives the other man a long look, not liking where this way of thinking is headed. “They wouldn’t think any less of you,” he says. “I’ll keep it between us if that’s what you really want, but don’t forget you’re not just our leader, okay? You’re a person. Don’t make yourself into an ideal.”

“You always worry about me too much,” Jungsoo tells him, avoiding an answer. “Let’s go and meet up with your latest conquest. We shouldn’t leave him waiting any longer.”

There’s much more Heechul would like to say, but maybe this isn’t the time. First they’ll secure their supply line, and then he can confront the other man without letting him get away with a change in subject ━ however tempting it may be.

It’s not as if the thought of getting back to Han Geng is a bad distraction.

=

The Cluster Han Geng takes them to isn’t an unknown one. It’s apparently quite popular among Outsiders for being a center of trade, since it’s located conveniently for merchants to stay when traveling to the Capital. It doesn’t exactly make Heechul the most confident as far as not being spotted and/or arrested, but he trusts Han Geng when the latter insists an Outsider would never turn them in to the Capital. He would know, being an Outsider himself.

Maybe the most impressive part of the Cluster is how much of the pre-apocalypse infrastructure is still intact. It’s not as if the area had been spared from the devastation entirely, but Heechul has seen worse. Much, much worse.

Han Geng walks faster the closer they seem to be to their destination, until Heechul and Jungsoo struggle not to break into a run while keeping up. It’s a relief when their guide finally stops at one of the shops.

“This is it?” Jungsoo asks him.

“I’d recognize this place anywhere. Can I go first?”

“After you.”

It turns out that letting their newest member be the first to enter is a good idea; Heechul watches with wide eyes as said man is hugged nearly to the point of suffocation by one merchant who introduces himself as Zhou Mi.

“And this is Henry,” Han Geng introduces the noticeably shorter merchant. “He runs the shop, but Zhou Mi is in charge of the caravan and handling supplies.”

Zhou Mi greets them all with a smile that even Heechul finds refreshing. “The Resistance is starting to have a reputation around here, you know,” he tells them. “The way you save people, the way you’re willing to fight back against the Capital...it doesn’t go unnoticed. By us Outsiders or the Capital themselves.”

“So they’re after us, then?” Jungsoo asks with a frown.

“Not in full force yet, but they’re definitely keeping an eye on you as much as they can,” Henry answers for the other man. “And speaking of the Capital...I think there’s something you wanted to discuss with us? I have a proposal in mind.”

Heechul finds himself skeptical. “You already know what we wanted to ask you? That seems impossible.”

“They’ve known for a while.” It’s Han Geng who answers this time. “It was always my plan to connect all of you from the day that I started seeking out the Resistance. I wanted to get their permission first.”

Fair enough. Han Geng had thought this through more than Heechul had assumed. It seems the man really  _ isn’t  _ just another pretty face.

“We do still want to go over an agreement,” Jungsoo makes sure to emphasize. “It’s generous for you to offer in the first place, but I have to warn you that the Resistance is short on both supplies and currency.”

Henry shakes his head insistently. “We can work something out. Take a seat, and we can start.”

Heechul is about to take a seat by Jungsoo, but Han Geng’s voice stops him.

“There’s something else I have to show Heechul, so if you three are fine with handling negotiations…?”

Zhou Mi shoots Han Geng what Heechul swears is a knowing grin, but as soon as he and Leeteuk give the pair a go-ahead, they’re out the door.

(There’s actually a few moments between the time Heechul steps outside and when Han Geng joins him. A thought crosses his mind that Zhou Mi might have taken the time to elaborate on that grin, but he’s not sure if he’s being perceptive or just paranoid.)

If it were anyone else besides Han Geng, Heechul would definitely have an issue with being blindly led through a place he didn’t know. Curse his own weakness for the other man. Why is that in the first place? Han Geng has nice arms, sure, but even Youngwoon has nice arms, and it’s not like Youngwoon is unattractive, but he’s...far from Heechul’s type. Also the inexplicable target of Jungsoo’s affections, but that’s a question to ponder another day.

“You’re not even going to give me a hint about where we’re going?” Heechul finally asks as they walk.

“Where would the fun in that be?”

“Right. You know, I’m beginning to think you made this all up as an excuse to get me alone.”

Han Geng gives him a cryptic smile. “Who says the two things are mutually exclusive?”

“What does that even…? You stopped; are we here?”

Heechul drags his gaze away from the man next to him, and looks up to see they’re in the middle of what must be the Cluster’s marketplace. Remnants of old buildings have been rearranged to create spaces for vendors to set up shop, and there’s even an area in the center with tables and chairs. It’s far beyond any Cluster that Heechul has been in so far, that’s for sure.

By the time he stops staring, Han Geng is walking back to him with a steaming bowl of jajangmyeon held in each hand.

“Follow me to the tables,” he tells Heechul. “This is from my favorite shop here, so it should be delicious. Not quite food from home, but...it’s as close as I can get around here.”

The first question that pops into Heechul’s brain is how the hell Han Geng managed to pay for the meal when the Resistance is dead broke, but he has a sneaking suspicion.

“Zhou Mi slipped you cash before you left, didn’t he?” he asks. At the other man’s nod, he snorts, muttering under his breath, “Nice wingman you’ve got there.”

They sit at a table on the fringes, and Heechul takes a moment to unwrap his chopsticks and sample the noodles (Han Geng was right; they’re fantastic) before he asks the question that’s been nagging at him since the moment they left Henry and Zhou Mi’s shop.

“So, just to be clear...are you taking me on a date right now?”

Han Geng gives him another of his small, warm smiles. “Do you want me to be?” he asks, and Heechul can’t help but grin back, shaking his head good-naturedly.

“You’re one sly dog, Geng. It seems I’ve underestimated you.”

He can’t deny that he’s enjoying the other man’s forwardness. When was the last time someone was interested in him, not dreadfully boring, and not inexplicably scared of him? It’s not like he’s  _ that _ intimidating, past the sarcasm, the prickly exterior, the wall of indifference he’s built to protect himself from ever getting hurt…

_ On second thought, never mind. _

“Easy to do when you still don’t know enough about me,” Han Geng tells him. “That’s why I wanted to bring you here.”

“It wasn’t because of my strikingly good looks?”

It earns him a laugh. “And that, too.”

Heechul hides his victorious smirk in another mouthful of jajangmyeon, and Han Geng takes the opportunity to launch into a detailed account of his life before and after the end of the world. Once again, if it was  _ anyone _ else...but Han Geng turns out to be as good at storytelling as he his at surprise dates.

“What about you, Heechul?” Han Geng asks when he’s finished. “Tell me about yourself.”

“My favorite topic, you mean? Well, I’m twenty-six years old, my parents are dead━”

Han Geng cuts him off with a hand on Heechul’s own. “No, tell me about  _ you _ . Likes, dislikes, hopes and dreams. That sort of thing.”

“In that case: Hi, I’m Kim Heechul. I like the color yellow, long walks on the beach, and braiding hair at sleepovers.”

“So, red, plotting in the solitude of your room...and I’m not sure about the last one.”

Heechul pats the hand that’s still holding his. “And you were so close, too. I actually detest braids in general, but I’ll let you do my hair sometime. Deal?”

Han Geng lets out another laugh. “Deal. And on that note...as much as I’d like to stay here with you all day, we should probably head back.”

“Please, Jungsoo’s probably soaking up the chance to finally act like the leader. He’ll be talking for hours.”

“Heechul…”

“Ugh,  _ fine _ , you’re right,” Heechul concedes. “Just let me finish my noodles. These are ridiculously delicious.”

When they finally do get back to the shop to meet up with Leeteuk, they find out that their leader has managed to work out the supply agreement with Henry ━ as well as secure Zhou Mi and his wagon as a (mostly) safe way to get straight into the heart of the Capital.

The two merchants also pass on an interesting tidbit of information: there’s rumours circulating throughout the Outsiders about a man who’s unaffected by radiation. There are no clues yet about his location, but it sounds like the Capital is interested. And if Mayor Park wants his hands on something, it’s worth paying attention to.

Heechul will also admit that he gets most of this information repeated to him later by Jungsoo, because he’s a bit busy mentally backpedaling and wondering what’s wrong with himself. Because wait, when had “I want to get in Han Geng’s pants” turned into “I want to hold Han Geng’s dumb hand and kiss him under the starlight” or some crap?

Heechul does kiss him, though. Not quite in that starry rom-com setting, being stuck in the Bunker and all, but a kiss nonetheless. And he’s not normally one to consider first kisses too important, especially ones so relatively chaste, but this one feels important, somehow.

Heechul thinks he may be in too deep.

⋙

“That’s...actually really sweet,” Kyuhyun admits. “I didn’t know you had it in you, Heechul.”

“Oh, like we haven’t all suffered through you and loverboy over there. I’m just trying to impart upon you all what an epic love story really looks like.”

One man not-so-subtly clears his throat, and Heechul’s eyes narrow to slits.

“Just  _ try  _ and one-up me, Hyukjae. Show-off.”

He feels Han Geng move to give him some sort of pacifying hug, but Heechul will have none of it ━ that would feel too much like admitting defeat.

“Anyway, as I was  _ saying _ ,” he says pointedly, “We had two new contacts and a way to stop running out of supplies, even if we were racking up a debt to Henry and his shop. That’s where our next member came in: Sungmin.”

“I met Sungmin a few weeks later while re-visiting Zhou Mi and Henry,” Han Geng continues. “He seemed trustworthy from the moment he introduced himself, and I had to bring him back after hearing his story. Which he should probably tell.”

Sungmin shrugs. “I’m sure all of you have heard about it through the years. My father made enemies with the wrong people after the Mayor seized control of the Capital, he made me flee the city with the family fortune to keep myself safe, and I ended up meeting Han Geng. After hearing rumours about the Resistance, and then talking to one of the members in person, I was sold. I knew I wanted to join.”

Heechul slings an arm around Han Geng’s shoulders. “So then this golddigger decided to bring him back to the Bunker without asking us first. I think Jungsoo just about had a heart attack from all the ways our security measures were violated, but I liked Sungmin right away, too. Geng made a good call. And I do like having a man who can support me financially.”

Sungmin gives him a sarcastic thumbs-up from across the room.

“Sungmin generously donated his funds,” Jungsoo takes up the story, “only on the condition that he could join the Resistance. It was an easy decision; he really wanted to help, and the money allowed us to pay back what we owed to Henry and Zhou Mi, as well as continue to pay for more of their supplies.”

Heechul nods in agreement. “He single-handedly lifted us out of poverty. Which was good, because we had enough issues without wondering if we would be able to eat the next week. And after Sungmin...damn. Hyukjae?”

The man in question snorts. “Me again? What did I…? Oh.” His expression sobers. “Go ahead, this one is important.”

“And here we were enjoying ourselves. I’ll do my best on this one.” Heechul taps his fingers to his temple, thinking of how to start.

“It was the beginning of the next month, and I was on a mission with Sungmin and Hyukjae. There was a Drone-infested outpost too close to the Bunker, so it was our job to wipe them out. There were really only about six or seven of them, I think. But as we approached the command room, that’s when things got interesting…


	8. Chapter 8

**December 3rd, 2016 - Drone Outpost**

The last Drone falls by Heechul’s hand, hitting the floor with a  _ thud _ . His other two team members inspect the lower half of the compound, but there’s nothing to be found. Their mission is coming to a close, assuming any Drones in the command room had already joined the fight.

“I’ll take point,” Hyukjae says. “One last room and we’re done. Good work.”

“Shouldn’t I be the one saying that to you, rookie?” Heechul asks. He means it as a joke, but as usual, Hyukjae has no reaction other than readjusting his trigger finger.

“Let’s move,” is all the latter says.

Sungmin brushes past Heechul, whispering a quick “at least you tried” in his ear, and the Strategist follows behind the other two with a sigh. A ‘you tried’ isn’t going to help Hyukjae climb up from the pit of revenge he’s been digging for himself. He’ll just have to keep doing his best.

Hyukjae swings open the command room door, and the three Resistance members find out that they are most certainly  _ not _ alone: there’s a policeman, not a Drone, standing in the middle of the space.

“On your knees!” Hyukjae demands. “Hands behind your head!”

The officer just crosses his arms, not moving from his position. “Listen, kid,” he says, “We all know about the Resistance. And we know that you have a no-kill policy. I’ve got nothing to worry about.”

The hard way it is, then. Heechul pushes past his teammates who are pointing their weapons at the officer, and adds his own to the mix.

“Tell us the locations of all your nearby outposts. You’ve got ten seconds to start talking.”

“Or what? You’re not going to do anything to me.”

“I’m just not allowed to kill you. I’m sure I can get creative. Locations, now.”

The officer ignores his demands entirely. “Speaking of what I know about the Resistance…” His mouth twists into a cruel smirk. “I don’t know your faces, but I can probably guess who you are. The skinny one in the front ━ were you the one whose parents protected you as you tried to escape? Or the one whose whole family was gunned down in a Cluster-wide raid while you hid in the back like━”

A single shot rings out, and the officer curses, crumpling to the ground. For a moment, Heechul thinks he’s going to die, but then he sees the man has only been shot in the leg. Still, the blood flowing from his wound doesn’t make it look any better. And the culprit…?

Hyukjae still stands at the front of their trio, holding a smoking gun.

“Hyukjae, what the hell were you thinking!?” Heechul yells, but he’s ignored. The other man only has eyes for the target of his rage, eyes that are looking darker by the second.

The officer still manages to grin from where he’s bleeding on the floor. “Hit the nail on the head, did I? It must hurt to know they all died while you were too busy being a coward.”

“Shut up.”

“I wasn’t there, but I’ve heard stories from the ones controlling the Drones during that raid. They described it to me in great detail.”

“I said  _ shut up _ !” Hyukjae’s hands shake as he holds his gun.

“They say your mother squealed like a pig, and your sister━”

The gun is abruptly gone from Hyukjae’s grasp, and a knife drawn from a hidden pocket. He scream out his fury as he charges, aiming directly for the man’s heart.

He would have succeeded, too, had Sungmin not darted forward to hold him back. Hyukjae’s anger makes him strong, but not strong enough to break out of the arms locked around his struggling form.

“What are you protecting him for!?” Hyukjae yells at the two members. “Let go of me!”

Heechul steps in front of him, blocking his view of the officer. “Hyukjae, use your head for a minute. Remember our rule.”

“What’s the point!?” The anguish behind Hyukjae’s anger is hard to listen to. “What’s the point when they won’t think twice about pulling the trigger on us?”

The officer laughs, and Heechul has quite frankly had enough of his commentary. He brings down the butt of his gun against the back of the man’s head with a sharp  _ crack! _ , and the laughter disappears. Out cold, but still alive. As it should be.

“The  _ point _ ,” Heechul says, turning back to a still-struggling Hyukjae, “is so we don’t become like them! What would people think of us then, if we became the same monsters as the Capital’s goons?” He drops his voice. “What would Donghae think if he saw you shoot a man in cold blood? Would he think you were a hero then?”

It’s a low blow, but it works. Hyukjae slumps in Sungmin’s hold, and after Heechul gives a nod, the stronger of the two releases his captive.

“Let’s go back,” Hyukjae spits out. “Do whatever you’re planning to do with him, but I’m waiting outside.”

He walks out before Heechul can stop him.

=

When they get back to the Bunker, after leaving the officer in the middle of nowhere with only water and a warning note, Hyukjae still refuses to speak to them ━ or anyone, for that matter. He stalks off to his room and slams the door shut behind him.

Donghae is in the main room, continuing to help Donghee review leads on the radiation-resistant man. He looks up when the others return, but is left speechless at Hyukjae’s rage.

He doesn’t say anything, but when Donghae looks to Heechul, the Strategist knows exactly what question he’s asking.

“Go talk to him,” Heechul simply says, and Donghae is gone in a flash, heading toward the same door Hyukjae had just disappeared behind.

Hopefully he hasn’t just made things worse.

⋙

“I’m not proud of it,” Hyukjae says, twisting his fingers together, “but I still think it was worth everyone hearing. The rule we have...even though that was the closest I came to breaking it, looking back on it made me realize why it’s there in the first place: I could have never forgiven myself if I’d gone through with killing him, no matter how much I hated him.”

“But...it didn’t sound like that’s what you thought at the time,” Zhou Mi says carefully. “What changed?”

“It was actually because━”

“Hyukjae, we’re telling this story chronologically. No spoilers.” Heechul once again addresses the rest of the group, “Now, I think it’s someone else’s turn to be recruited. Anyone else want to give my voice a rest? Jungsoo?”

To the group’s surprise, Donghae raises his hand.

“I’ll tell this part,” he says. “Some of you seem to think I’m too preoccupied being attached to Hyukjae’s hip to pay attention, but I notice more than you think. Like how Youngwoon has been gradually moving toward the kitchen for the past thirty minutes, only the cake he thinks is there was hidden by Heechul before any of us even showed up.”

Youngwoon sheepishly inches back to his original seat, and Heechul seems to reconsider his open offer.

“On second thought, maybe this wasn’t the greatest idea. You remember how much I’ve done for you, don’t you, Hae?”

Donghae gives him an angel’s smile. “I remember  _ everything _ .”

⋘

**December 7th, 2016 - Capital Outskirts**

The moment their wagon is half a mile out from the Capital’s walls, Donghae rejoices. At this distance they won’t be spotted by sentries as long as they stay in the wagon, so he and his companions can finally get out from under all the supplies. While it’s an effective hiding place, it isn’t winning any awards for comfort.

Today was a test run: a chance for the Resistance members to see if it was possible for Zhou Mi to transport them in and out of the Capital without detection. Now that they’ve safely made it out, he thinks the mission can be considered a success.

It’s the most packed mission they’ve had in a while, actually. Other than Sungmin and Donghee, who are still following leads on the radiation-resistant man they’ve learned goes by Yesung, everyone is here.

Jungsoo and Youngwoon are on his left, sitting as far apart as they can in the small space and probably thinking they’ve got everyone fooled. But Donghae notices things; he’s seen the way they share secret glances, the way Jungsoo has started staying behind on missions which is  _ definitely  _ not related to Youngwoon’s insistence that their leader should always be safe from harm.

(“I don’t need to be locked up and protected,” Jungsoo had protested, but Donghae didn’t even need to take a second look to see that the Resistance leader was flattered.)

On Donghae’s right are Heechul and Han Geng, who are somehow both the polar opposite and mirror image of the other pair. They’re not shy about their mutual attraction ━ Donghae actually moves away from where they’re invading each other’s personal space ━ but beyond that...nothing. Donghae thinks it’s sort of ridiculous, actually, how Heechul is either that thick-headed or that much of a coward to admit their fling is anything more.

Still, it’s not his business to interfere in either of those building storms. He’ll sit here and watch, as always, and hope that they’ll sort themselves out.

Then there’s Hyukjae.

Hyukjae is sitting across from him, staring down at the floor with an unreadable expression on his face. After they joined the Resistance together, they still used to make eye contact, even if the smile Hyukjae gave him never quite reached his eyes. Now the other man rarely even looks at him, and Donghae...Donghae is worried about him.

He himself will still never really move on from his parents’ passing, but at least he’s coming to terms with it. Hyukjae, on the other hand, is drifting further away from him, consumed with thoughts of retribution and revenge.

Three days ago, Donghae had managed to talk him down from what had turned into a frightening confrontation, filled with yelling and angry tears from Hyukjae’s end. It wasn’t Hyukjae’s anger that Donghae had been frightened of, however. He’d known the other man long enough to recognize when he was hurting. Instead, he was scared  _ for _ Hyukjae ━ of what he might do, and how he’d come to regret it. If he only knew what had happened on that mission━

“Hey, you all might want to check this out!” Zhou Mi calls from the front of the wagon.

Jungsoo is immediately on alert. He climbs over the pile of supplies to end up next to Zhou Mi, and the others file out the back to join him. Donghae wonders what could be important enough to stop the wagon when they’re only a few miles from the Capital, but that question is answered when he sees a man lying motionless on the ground.

Hyukjae has his gun out of its holster in an instant. “Drone?” he asks. “Or policeman?”

Ignoring Jungsoo’s protests, Donghae goes right up to the man, crouching down next to his face. Two fingers at the pulse point on his neck confirm that he’s passed out and not dead, and if Donghae checks the back of his head...no evidence of injections.

“He’s not a Drone,” he tells the others. “And he doesn’t have a gun, so my guess is he’s not a policeman, either. I think we need to help him.”

He watches as Jungsoo’s expression twists into one of indecision.

“We can’t...I don’t what we can do for him,” the Resistance leader says. “He needs medical attention, but it wouldn’t be a good idea to bring him back to the Bunker.”

There’s a few beats of silence before Zhou Mi asks, “Do you want to bring him back to the shop? Henry and I can fix him up, and you can either stay out of sight or just not tell him who you are.”

Jungsoo shares a glance with Heechul, and they come to a silent agreement the way Donghae’s seen them do so many times before.

Zhou Mi’s sharp eyes may have just saved a man’s life.

=

Zhou Mi clears all the merchandise off of a table in the back room, which is where Youngwoon places the still-unconscious man who’s draped over his shoulders. It’s Henry who starts the treatment, a survivalist air about him that tells Donghae everything he knows is self-taught. It will have to be enough.

Ten minutes later, Henry is done patching up the man’s wounds and is trying to think of how to create some sort of makeshift feeding tube ━ and the man’s eyes fly open.

He sits up faster than he probably should, almost falling off the table, but his eyes still manage to zero in on Henry.

“Are you working for the Capital?” the man asks. He looks like he’s bracing for the worst.

“No, I’m actually━”

“Oh, thank God.” The previous tension leaves the man’s body entirely. “My name is Choi Siwon, and I’m on the run from a Capital prison.”

When Henry starts to back away, Siwon must realize he’s given the wrong impression.

“Don’t misunderstand!” he says quickly. “It wasn’t my fault that I was there. I was an Outsider before I was kidnapped on my way to another Cluster and thrown into one of their prisons. I escaped before they could turn me into one of those...things. The Drones.”

“They’re keeping people in prisons?”

Heechul is the first one to step forward, and Siwon finally notices Henry isn’t the only other one in the room.

“Yes, there are huge numbers of Outsiders being kidnapped and brainwashed. But...who are you?”

“That’s not important right now. How long have you been in prison? What did you see?”

Siwon seems to almost shrink back against the onslaught of questions. “A few weeks, I think? And I’m not sure ━ I was too busy doing my best to survive most of the time to see more than the other prisoners.”

“But you escaped.”

“I’d been working on an escape plan with a friend for a while now. She...didn't make it. I ran as far as I could before I collapsed.”

“But how━”

“Heechul,” Han Geng and Jungsoo both say the Strategist’s name in warning, and it would almost make Donghae smile under other circumstances.

“Let’s give him some food and water first,” Jungsoo continues, “and then maybe you can ask him more questions without turning it into a full-blown interrogation.”

Heechul protests, but Han Geng leads him into the other room with Henry to get some sort of meal put together, leaving the others with Siwon.

“So…” the latter says after a moment of hesitation. “Can I ask who you all are now? I tried to ask politely before, but I got snapped at…”

Donghae gives him a comforting smile. “Don’t take anything Heechul says personally,” he tells Siwon. “That’s just the way he is. It takes some getting used to.” He leaves the real question for the Resistance leader to answer.

“We’re the Resistance,” Jungsoo says right on schedule. “I don’t know if you’ve heard of━”

“Of course I have!” Siwon’s eyes are even bigger than they were when he first regained consciousness. “I wasn’t sure who to take my information to, but this is perfect; there’s no one who fights back against the Capital better than all of you do.”

“There’s not much we can do with just your word for it,” Hyukjae mutters, finally speaking up.

“I realize that, but maybe there’s some way I can help? I know the one prison fairly well, and I know their methods for kidnappings. Maybe I could help you stop them.”

“Well…” Jungsoo starts.

Heechul’s voice calls loudly from the other room, “If you’re going to ask him to join, you big baby, just get it over with!”

Siwon looks thrilled at the prospect. “Really? You’re accepting new recruits?”

“We’re always open to help from those who want to give it,” Jungsoo clarifies. “As long as you understand that being a Resistance member isn’t a casual association; it’s a full-time commitment to saving people and bringing down the Capital.”

Siwon gives him a solemn nod. “That’s good, then. Because helping those in need is all I’ve ever wanted to do.”

_ Jackpot _ , Donghae thinks, and he’s unsurprised when an invitation is formally extended only seconds later. The Resistance could definitely use someone like Siwon; Donghae likes him already.

(He’s also incredibly amused by the way Heechul is too distracted by Han Geng on their trip back to the Bunker to even spare a thought for the admittedly impressive visual that is Choi Siwon. Those two are as much of a ‘casual fling’ as Donghae is a fan of suffocating under heaps of cargo.)

⋙

“I’m impressed, Lee Donghae, but those last two lines were just uncalled for.”

“I call it as I see it, Hyung. But wait, there’s one more thing I have to talk about…”


	9. Chapter 9

**December 8th, 2016**

Hyukjae is less than amused when Donghae pulls him out of their room and down the hallway that evening without explanation. He’s not mad, exactly, but it’s obvious that he’d rather get some extra sleep instead of coming along on this late-night escapade. Still, he doesn’t protest until they’re to the door of the armory and he catches a glimpse of who’s inside.

“Donghae...why are we going to see Siwon less than an hour before midnight?”

“Because,” Donghae says carefully, gauging the other’s reaction, “I thought it would be a good idea to talk some things out with him. He was studying to be a pastor before the bombs fell, you know, so it might be helpful for us to go and━”

“What is this, an intervention?” Hyukjae demands. He looks even more hurt than angry. “You don’t think I can take care of myself?”

“Please, Hyukjae, you haven’t been yourself lately. You won’t talk to me, so I don’t know what else to do.”

“I don’t talk to you about it because it makes you upset! We’re both just dealing with our emotions in different ways.”

“But that’s just it,” Donghae insists. “You’re  _ not _ dealing with them. At least, not in a healthy way. Can you please do this for me just once? If you hate it, we never have to go back again.”

Hyukjae looks away from him, letting out a deep breath to keep his composure. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Fine, then. One time.”

“Thank you,” Donghae tells him, and squeezes his hand one more time before they head into the armory.

Siwon greets them as soon as they enter with a warm “good to see you,” sitting comfortably on the floor.

He’s obviously not surprised to see them, and Hyukjae’s narrowed eyes meet Donghae’s sheepish smile.  _ You planned this with him!  _ those eyes accuse, and Donghae hopes his  _ Please play nice!  _ translates.

“Good to see you, too,” Donghae tells Siwon, now ignoring the glare still being sent his way. “Sorry we came so late, but a certain someone was being a little belligerent.”

Siwon waves away the apology. “I like coming here regardless to think things over, so it’s no problem. Feel free to have a seat.”

The two men sit down to face him, and Siwon continues.

“So, Donghae, Eunhyuk…”

“Just call me Hyukjae,” Hyukjae says, now sounding resigned to his fate.

“Alright, then. Donghae and Hyukjae...do you mind me asking how close the two of you are? It’s only to help me understand where you’re coming from, I promise.”

It breaks Donghae’s heart to see the mask that immediately falls into place on Hyukjae’s face, appearing by instinct after one look at the cross hanging around Siwon’s neck. It’s only a habit, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

“We’re best friends, but don’t get any wrong ideas,” Hyukjae lies. “It doesn’t go any further than that.”

Siwon nods, and Donghae is  _ so _ close to letting it go, but then thinks: if they’re turning over a new leaf, they’re going to do it right.

“He’s actually the love of my life,” Donghae says, taking Hyukjae’s hand, and the latter looks about two seconds from panic and denial before Siwon stops it with a smile.

“It’s alright. It would be hypocritical of me to judge when I feel called to help, don’t you think? Let’s say that the end of the world...changed my perspective on some things.”

Donghae hears Hyukjae start to breathe again.

“And now with that out of the way,” Siwon continues, “should we get started?”

“Whenever you’re ready,” Hyukjae says, still wary.

He changes his tune an hour later when they’re finally finishing for the night. Siwon is everything Donghae hoped he would be ━ attentive, but not overly-critical; understanding, but willing to press on important matters; friendly, but professional enough to where they can trust that nothing said will leave these four walls.

And Donghae nearly wants to cry when he hears Hyukjae’s genuine “thank you” to Siwon, because he’s finally starting to look like himself again.

“Same time later this week?” Siwon asks, and Hyukjae even beats Donghae to the punch.

“Of course, if Donghae’s up for it.”

“No arguments here,” Donghae tells him, hiding a smile.

“You know,” Hyukjae says suddenly to Siwon, “you should really do this for the other members, too, if you have the time. I think late-night armory meetings could catch on.”

Siwon seems to ponder the suggestion. “That’s not a bad idea, actually,” he admits. “You might be on to something.”

He still looks deep in thought as the other two say their goodbyes and head back down the hallway to their room. But Siwon is the last thing on Donghae’s mind when Hyukjae pulls him into both the room and a deep kiss, hands tenderly cupping Donghae’s face.

“Thank you,” Hyukjae says again when they separate, but it’s softer this time when it’s directed at him, more meaningful.

He doesn’t need to say anything more; Donghae understands. Instead, they hold each other in the dim nighttime lights until the need for sleep forces them to go to bed.

And Donghae knows with every ounce of his being that Hyukjae ━ that both of them ━ are going to be okay.

⋙

“Aww, I think Hyukjae’s blushing,” Ryeowook says gleefully, which naturally only makes it more of a problem.

Heechul is less than impressed. “Really? All this time and that’s what still embarrasses you?”

“It’s not like I had any warning before the story was being told! I was surprised; give me a break.”

“Well, I think that was really sweet,” Zhou Mi enthuses. “You’re such a romantic, Donghae.”

Kyuhyun’s “What, am I not romantic enough for━?” is cut short by Ryeowook nearly shoving him off the arm of the couch.

“Alright, everyone,” Heechul says, refocusing their attention. “Now that we’ve got that sap out of the way ━ don’t pout at me, Donghae, you know I think you two are insufferably adorable ━ it’s time to take one more step toward what we thought would be our final mission. Around that same time, Donghee had begun to shape what was supposed to be our final strike against the Capital. Donghee, you want to explain?”

Said man perks up in his seat at the call of his name. “Sure,” he says. “I don’t remember all the details, though. To be honest, I think I tried to block a lot of it out of my head after the mission ended up going so badly. But what I do remember is that it revolved solely around the broadcast towers. I was trying to figure out how to somehow scramble their signals and make them think there was a mass attack on one side of the city while we infiltrated the government headquarters by ourselves. It...didn’t work out.”

“You couldn’t have known,” Heechul reassures him. “At the time, we all thought it was perfect. Everyone was so excited at the thought of finally taking the fight to the Capital, I think we would have set out the same day if we were ready.”

“And then everything went to Hell,” Jungsoo says quietly.

“It was heading that way, but we’re not quite there yet. It’s still true that the next few months sucked. We did some more small missions, stopped more raids, but morale was falling fast, especially with all our leads on Jongwoon falling short. And with the Drones getting more refined by Capital scientists, things got tougher ━ we were frankly just tired of it all.

“Still, we persevered. We knew we had to find Jongwoon before the Capital locked him in a lab for the rest of his life and took away everyone else’s only hope for a cure. It wasn’t until April of the next year that we finally got our most promising lead yet…”

⋘

**April 13th, 2017**

If this lead turns out to be another dead end, Heechul is going to go insane. He’s tried to stay optimistic during their hunt for this elusive ‘Yesung,’ but it’s starting to get ridiculous. How hard could one man be to track down?

Apparently, hard enough for the full unit to be dispatched for his retrieval. Donghee had refused to let anyone else stay behind with him when their lead sounded this promising.

Jungsoo motions them forward, and they fan out, splitting into Heechul’s assigned teams to cover all the exits of the abandoned factory in front of them. If Yesung really is hiding out in here, he’s a genius; there’s enough hiding places within the factory to evade them entirely. They’ll just have to be as relentless in cornering him as Donghee was when tracking him down.

Hyukjae and Donghae disappear around the back, Heechul follows Jungsoo up the exterior stairs to the second level, and the other three take point through the main doors. Heechul keeps his eyes and ears peeled for anything that even resembles a human presence, but as the teams scour the building, he comes up empty.

“Another dead end,” he finally says to Jungsoo. It’s not like he  _ wants _ to give up this soon, but he doesn’t see how their target could possibly still be hiding after the sweep.

“Give them a few more minutes, or we might have a mutiny on our hands.”

“You might end up with that problem, anyway,” Heechul deadpans. He’s only half-joking.

Jungsoo’s response is cut off by Youngwoon’s shout of “I found him!” from the level below. Footsteps pound on the rusting metal of the factory’s rigging as the entire room takes off toward the sound of Youngwoon’s voice.

“Cover all the exits!” Heechul yells, even if he’s sure the order is a somewhat obvious one. “Don’t let him get away!”

Jungsoo takes a sharp left in front of him to take the stairs down, and Heechul thankfully is paying enough attention not to run smack into the wall. They’re halfway done with the descent when the sound of a gun being fired rings out.

_ What the hell are they doing!?  _ Heechul thinks, and Jungsoo’s sudden double-timing certainly means the Resistance leader shares his sentiments.

They run into the rest of the members in the large room down the hallway, both teams standing at opposite entrances to effectively block the whole space off. And in the middle of it all? One man standing alone, poised and ready for a fight: Yesung.

But first…

“Which one of you idiots shot at him!?” Heechul demands. He’s more than ready to chew out whoever was firing on a potential ally. Finding the guy was hard enough; convincing him they were here to help is another issue entirely ━ one he isn’t about to complicate any further with an unnecessary firefight.

“Calm down,” Youngwoon says to him. “We weren’t the ones doing the shooting.”

Sure enough, if Heechul takes another look at Yesung, he sees the last traces of smoke coming from the barrel of his gun ━ a gun that’s currently alternating targets between most of the Resistance. A warning shot, then.

“Who are you, and what do you want with me?” Yesung demands, finger never leaving the trigger.

Jungsoo steps forward. “Please, calm down and listen to us. We’re not━”

“Answer the questions. The only reason I’ve survived this long on the run is by not trusting anyone.”

“We’re the Resistance, not with the Capital. We’re not your enemies.”

“Oh yeah?” Yesung jerks his head in the direction of the other members. “Then why do you all have guns pointed at me?”

“Just because we want to help doesn’t mean I’m going to put my members in danger. But we won’t shoot unless you start doing it first.”

Yesung’s hostile stance doesn’t change, and Heechul is about to whisper to Jungsoo that they may have to resort to more drastic measures when Sungmin steps forward and does something that will still give Heechul heart attacks when he thinks about it years from now: he drops his gun.

“Don’t come any closer,” Yesung says sharply. His own weapon is now zeroed in on the approaching Sungmin ━ and Heechul has no idea what will be enough to make him pull the trigger.

“It’s okay; I only want to talk,” Sungmin insists, taking a few more steps with his hands in the air. “And I’m unarmed. You’re safe.”

Heechul wants so badly to scream for Sungmin to get back, but the man’s name dies in his throat. It feels like even the slightest disturbance to the standoff will shatter the fragile peace entirely.

One step closer, completely ignoring Yesung’s “that’s close enough” to end up less than two feet in front of him, and Heechul is sure they’re losing a Resistance member today.

_ If I even see his finger twitch on that trigger, I’m tackling him to the ground. Or shooting him in the head. We’re not losing people ━ not when it’s my plan we’re using. _

But Sungmin is still standing, still very much alive enough to do something even more reckless: he takes the barrel of Yesung’s gun and rests it on his own chest, directly over his heart.

_ YOU IDIOT. YOU ABSOLUTE━ _

“You can feel my heartbeat, can’t you?” Sungmin asks. “That means you can tell if I’m lying. Shoot me if it jumps; the others will let you walk out, on my word.”

Yesung stares at him, unmoving, for a long moment before he gives the other man a crisp nod. “Fine. Talk.”

“Like our leader said, we’re the Resistance. My name is Lee Sungmin. We know the Capital is after you so that they can run tests on your radiation resistance, and we don’t want that to happen. So we’re offering you a safe haven: either among our ranks as a Resistance member or as a guest in our headquarters. It’s up to you.”

Even Jungsoo couldn’t have said it better himself. Heechul is going to have to look into getting Sungmin appointed as their spokesman, if they manage to all make it out of here alive.

“No strings attached?”

“None whatsoever.”

Yesung pauses a few beats longer. “You’re telling the truth, or you’re a really good liar. But I’m tempted to believe it, since you all would fit the profile of what I’ve heard about your group.”

“So you’d be willing to come with us?” Jungsoo asks uncertainly.

“I...yes, it seems like the best option.” Yesung takes on more look at the man he’s currently holding a gun to. “But I’m walking next to Sungmin.”

Sungmin gives him a smile. “That can be arranged. Though I might be more inclined to agree if you could lower your gun. The adrenaline rush is starting to wear off.” The smile on his face doesn’t waver once.

Yesung does, in fact, end up holstering his gun, and that marks the last time that Heechul is ever intimidated by him ━ a testament to how deceiving first appearances can be.

(Their later encounters generally just result in Heechul being very, very confused.)

(A phenomenon he’s sure many of those around him experience, though in a slightly different context.)

⋙

“Heechul...you are the most self-indulgent narrator I’ve ever heard.”

“Thank you for the input, Youngwoon, but your negativity only makes me more powerful.”

“I was cool, though, at the time, wasn’t I?” Jongwoon asks the group, but Ryeowook’s conciliatory pat on the back is the only answer he gets.

“You were worth every minute we spent hunting for you,” Jungsoo reassures him.

Heechul considers it for a moment. “Except the lead that took us to that cockroach-infested basement. Nothing will ever be worth that.”

“I mean...I can’t say you’re wrong…”

Kyuhyun suddenly holds up a hand, interrupting like he’s been ignoring their entire exchange (he probably has been).

“Hold up a minute. I could have sworn you told me Yesung joined before Siwon did. My introductions to the members just came back to me.”

Heechul gives him an offended look. “What are you looking at me for? Sungmin is the one who introduced everyone.”

“It wasn’t my fault, either,” Sungmin contests. “They were the ones who stood out of order, so I just assumed they were right. We have far too many members for me to keep all the stories straight.”

“That,” Heechul tells them, “is a skill only your favorite narrator has, which is why I’m in charge of telling our story today ━ something I should get back to if you’re finished, Cho.”

“My whole time here was a lie, but please, go ahead.”

Heechul snorts. “Brat. Moving on, we’re about to get into some pretty emotional stuff. Buckle your seatbelts, kids, because here we go…”


	10. Chapter 10

**July 2nd, 2017 - The Bunker**

“You did  _ what _ ?” Heechul demands, barging into Jungsoo’s room and letting the door slam shut.

The other man looks like a deer in headlights, the way he freezes and stares at the intruder.

“Heechul? I’m in the middle of something; can it wait for━”

“You listen to me, Jungsoo.” Heechul hopes he sounds as pissed off as he feels. “And give me some answers. Did you or did you not break up with Youngwoon?”

“What…? Yes, I did, but I don’t see why that’s important enough to come barging in here yelling at me.”

“Because it  _ is _ important!” Heechul angrily insists. “I know you way too well to pass this off as...hell, I don’t know, changing your mind or something. You dumped him because of your screwed-up internalized sense of responsibility.”

He sees Jungsoo visibly bristle at the words, but the other man still refuses to raise his voice.

“Just because you ‘know me’ doesn’t mean you get to police every decision I make. You don’t see me objecting to your personal life, even though I have  _ quite _ a few opinions on your refusal to do anything beyond sleeping around.”

Heechul chooses to ignore the jab in that last statement. “Wrong. You did object. Or did that entire conversation where you chewed me out about Han Geng slip your mind?”

“Because it was for your own good!” Finally, some of Jungsoo’s composure starts to slip.

“And that’s just my point, isn’t it?” Heechul takes a deep breath, letting his temper simmer down to more of a slow boil. “I’m not angry at you because of Youngwoon, okay? Even if I thought he was good for you. I’m angry because you still don’t seem to understand that you’re allowed to want things for yourself. You’re allowed to be happy.”

It’s only then, when Heechul stops yelling, that Jungsoo slams his hands down on his desk, snapping, “Will you stop with that!? I’m getting reports from Donghee every day showing how miserably we’re losing, so maybe you should be more focused on figuring out how to stop us from all getting killed instead of making sure I’m ‘happy’!”

It’s like a physical slap to the face. Jungsoo doesn’t yell, and he especially never yells at Heechul. They argue, sure, and Heechul will direct his anger at quite literally anyone, but this? This...isn’t how they operate. It’s not what Heechul wanted. And judging by Jungsoo’s change in expression immediately after the outburst, it isn’t what he intended, either.

“Heechul...I didn’t mean to scream at you; I’m so sor━”

“No, I’m sorry,” Heechul apologizes, not letting him finish. “It  _ isn’t _ any of my business, is it? You can probably do just fine without me butting in. I’m just...worried about you, okay? I do that a lot, no matter how much of a heartless bastard I try to act like.”

Jungsoo gives him a tight smile. “I’m fine, really. Just having a bad day. I won’t let myself bring the members down.”

_ That’s what I’m afraid of. _

He almost presses the issue, but even Heechul can realize when arguing this one will get him nowhere. He leaves with a rushed goodbye and a sour feeling in his gut.

For someone who had so much of a vision for the Resistance, Jungsoo could really be short-sighted.

⋙

“I think that was a pretty generous picture of me you painted,” Jungsoo says with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “I was a fool, thinking I could somehow protect everyone but push them away in the process.”

Heechul lets out a snort. “At least you’re consistent. You’re still way too hard on yourself.”

“Am I? I didn’t even wait a day after our fight to throw myself into a role I’d managed to turn into shackles. As if splitting our members into Shadow and Boom Squad was going to be enough to save everyone’s plummeting morale.”

“But it was a good idea,” Siwon says, sounding defensive of the Resistance leader. “It allowed us to focus on our strengths, and made it easier to know who to send on missions. I wouldn't dismiss your decision so quickly.”

“No one would ever say that you didn’t care enough,” Youngwoon adds. “About the Resistance itself, or about all of us.”

“Even you? Maybe it’s not my place to say, but from that day forward, you became so distant from the rest of us. You lost that fire in your eyes I saw when we recruited you...and I know it was my fault.”

In a rare moment of emotional transparency, Youngwoon puts an arm around Jungsoo’s deflated form. “I was headed down that road no matter what you would have done. My confidence got the best of me; when we weren’t winning right off the bat, I let all my passion start to slip away from me. The last thing you should do is blame yourself for that.”

A smile returns to Jungsoo’s face, and Heechul’s “Oh, sure, he listens to  _ you _ ” is only a brief mutter before he asks, “Are you two done? We’re burning daylight, and we’ve still got other members to recruit.”

“When did you turn into such a crotchety old man?” Kyuhyun asks, but Heechul’s retort of “You’re the one who wanted━!” is thankfully cut short by Jongwoon’s raised hand.

“I’ll tell the next part,” he volunteers. “You weren’t on the team that rescued Ryeowook, but I was.”

Heechul gives Kyuhyun one last glare before he turns to the other man. “Glad to see you participating, Jongwoon. Take the floor; you’re starting four months later.”

“Well, we had plenty of time to get better at figuring out the Capital’s patterns as far as kidnapping Outsiders. It was hard not to with the increased number of kidnappings━ I think we’ve always assumed they were on the brink of a breakthrough with upgrading their Drones. More test subjects meant they could run more tests. And if they could create the perfect soldier, the Mayor and his inner circle could safely hold power for multiple generations.

“As long as time and resources permitted it, we did our best to stop Capital caravans either before they targeted Clusters or before they made it back to the city. This particular mission was one of the latter. Han Geng, Sungmin, and I ended up having to play catch-up with the caravan, but we still found them before it was too late. One policeman and three Drones, I think they were ━ they weren’t expecting our surprise attack.

“They especially weren’t planning on anyone stopping them when they’d gotten so far away from the Cluster, so the fight was quick, but that doesn’t mean it was easy. We had to keep our priorities in mind: make sure the Outsiders were safe, and then worry about the enemy.”

“I was in handcuffs with a few others from my Cluster,” Ryeowook interjects. “We were sure that was the end, but I’ve never felt luckier than when I saw those three charging to rescue us. It was inspiring.”

Jongwoon nods, looking proud of himself. “Inspiring enough to convince a certain Outsider to insist on coming with us once he was rescued. He admitted he wasn’t one for fighting, but he could do his best as our cook and resident doctor.”

“And...what? You let him in, just like that?” Kyuhyun asks incredulously.

Sungmin gives him a deadly serious look. “It’s a proven fact that no one can say no to Ryeowook’s pout. You’re lucky he uses that power for good, or we’d all be screwed.”

“I guess you can’t trust the short ones,” Kyuhyun admits, and this time Ryeowook really does shove him off the arm of the couch.

Heechul gives the other man an approving nod. “Thank you, I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now. Well, now that Cho’s down for the count ━ Is he still conscious? Oh, alright, he’s fine ━ let’s continue. I’m taking back my narrating position with a personal anecdote of mine. If you all get to hear the sound of my voice, I get to slip in some extra storytelling. This is a fight I need to get off my chest.”

“Was that your ‘thing’, then?” Hyukjae asks him with a grin. “You fought with everyone, just like I made everyone worry about me?”

“And Jungsoo continuously beat himself up. We’re just one big, consistent, dysfunctional trio. Now no more interruptions; I’ll start again. This is a fight I need to get off my chest…”

⋘

**May 20th, 2018 - The Bunker**

Heechul isn’t surprised when Han Geng shows up at his bedroom door that evening; by now it’s a normal occurrence, though it generally involves them both stumbling through said door in much closer proximity than they are now. No, the surprising part of this situation is the serious expression on Han Geng’s face after he shuts the door behind him. Where’s the smile Heechul’s come to expect?

“We need to talk,” Han Geng tells him, and Heechul feels warning bells go off in his head.

“About? If you managed to break your headset again, I don’t think I’m going to be much help.”

The other man’s face doesn’t change. “About what’s been going on between us.”

_ Nope, nope. Absolutely not. _

“You think we need to spice things up? If that’s the problem, I have a certain fantasy involving the kitchen counter that we could━”

“Heechul, be serious about this.”

“That’s the thing.” Heechul’s smirk evaporates in an instant. “I don’t  _ do _ serious, okay? I really don’t want to do this now ━ or ever, really, now that I think about it.”

“And you really think this is going to last long the way it is now? I was fine with us keeping things casual while we got to know each other, but now I need some answers.”

“What part of me not wanting to have this conversation did you not understand?”

“I am trying to have a serious talk about our relationship!”

Heechul slaps his palms over his ears, turning away from the door. “Lalala, not listening!”

“ _ Heechul! _ ”

Hands grab Heechul’s wrists to pry them away from his head, and he’s turned around to come face-to-face with Han Geng. The other man doesn’t look angry, necessarily, but he does looks upset.

“It’s been over a year and half since we met,” he says to Heechul. “And after all that’s happened, after everything we’ve been through together, I refuse to believe that this is nothing more than ‘friends with benefits’ to you. I just need to hear you say it.”

The hands around Heechul’s wrists suddenly feel like shackles.

“So you think I’m in love? Is that what this is about?”

“I think you’re just too scared to admit it to yourself.”

There are walls closing in around him, leaving him trapped and helpless. Every breath fills his lungs with a suffocating lack of oxygen. Because this? This is not part of Heechul’s plan. He’d only wanted to have a bit of fun with the cute foreigner, wait until the novelty wore off, and move on to someone new. Nowhere in that plan is there a failsafe for attachment and emotional baggage.

And worse ━ what if Han Geng is right? Heechul had caught himself that one night falling too fast and too hard, so he’d backed away, if not physically. But if what the other man said is true...no. He  _ can’t  _ be right. Because this is definitely not something he is at all ready for, and Heechul does not deal well with emotions out of his control.

He does not deal well with being cornered.

“Maybe you’re just too full of yourself to think that I could possibly fall in love with you!”

The hurt that blossoms on Han Geng’s face is painful to watch.

_ Nice going, Heechul. You really handled that one well. _

“Wait, that’s not what I meant to━”

“I know.”

It’s the resignation in Han Geng’s voice, not the words themselves, that make Heechul feel like the scum of the Earth. The weariness that implies how nothing less was expected from him than a hot head and harsh words he’d come to regret.

“God, I’m such a piece of shit,” Heechul curses. He takes an unceremonious seat on the bed behind him, not finding it in himself to stand before the person he may have just pushed away for good.

Han Geng doesn’t respond, and Heechul has a moment to bitterly think,  _ At least we can agree on something _ , before there’s two feet planted in his line of vision and a hand placed firmly on his shoulder.

“We both know that’s not true,” Han Geng tells him. “You’re scared ━ and not just about what I said. About the mission, about Jungsoo, about all of it. That’s why you’re lashing out at me even when it’s not your intention.”

Funny how much Han Geng feels like an anchor even when he’s saying all the words Heechul doesn't want to hear. A strained laugh leaves his lips at the thought.

“I guess you can see right through me, huh?” He hangs his head, feeling ashamed. “I talk a big game, but in the end it looks like I’m just a coward.”

Han Geng’s hand moves to take Heechul’s own, and for once the latter lets him do it. Not being one for sappy gestures is the last thing on his mind when he feels like he’s let down the person most precious to him. And, wow, he supposes that’s a revelation within itself, isn’t it? Even his own thoughts betray how stupid he is.

“It’s okay to be afraid, Heechul,” Han Geng says quietly. “But you don’t have to be. Yes, we’ve had some setbacks with the recent missions, but we can bounce back. Yes, the members are getting tired and discouraged, but at least we still have each other to lean on. And as for the two of us…”

He brushes Heechul’s bangs back from his face with a warm smile. “That’s the thing you should be least worried about. I mean, I think I made it obvious how I feel about you.”

(Heechul hums in agreement, unable to resist the smile that tugs at his lips, but he still can’t meet Han Geng’s eyes.)

“All I wanted was for you to admit that you feel something for me, too, more than just curiosity or temporary attraction. I’m not asking for you to define what it is or to change who you are. I’m only asking for you to be mine.”

_ ...Thank you. _

Heechul reaches out to cup Han Geng’s face, overcome with gratitude; but maybe it’s also because he needs to reassure himself that the other man is real. It’s hard to believe when Han Geng is looking like the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, a beauty that’s far more than skin-deep.

“I understand,” Heechul finally says, surprising himself with how soft his voice becomes. “But I’m not very good with words when it comes to this sort of thing, okay? All I can say is that for a while now ━ hell, maybe even since the first time we’ve met ━ I’ve always…”

The hope in the other man’s eyes is the only thing that keeps him going, that puts that final cornerstone in place.

“I’ve always been yours.”

It’s more terrifying than he’d expected to finally give in, to finally let go. But it’s better this way, Heechul supposes. What kind of hero is he ever going to amount to if he can’t be honest with himself?

Han Geng doesn’t speak after the confession. Everything he has to say is in his eyes, and the look in them now is so full of emotion, Heechul nearly feels like he’s drowning.

But he doesn’t struggle, doesn’t try to keep his head above the water. He captures Han Geng’s lips in a kiss and surrenders himself to the storm.

The heat between them isn’t a slow-burning fire. Heechul feels it course through him from head to toe, making him lose track of everything but Han Geng. He hardly notices when his back hits the sheets, too caught up in━

⋙

“Heechul!” Jungsoo interrupts him sharply, before lowering his volume. “I’m genuinely happy for you, but don’t you you’re going a bit too…?”

“Well, it’s not as if I wasn’t going to stop, you idiot. There are children in the room.” He makes a vague gesture at an unamused Henry. “I can’t believe I finally opened up and you’re not all moved to tears.”

“Well I’m glad you did,” Han Geng says sincerely. “It means a lot to me that━”

The annoyed “Don’t make it sappy” that Heechul cuts him off with is overshadowed by his mutter of, “Fine, I guess it was worth it.” 

He turns his attention back to the rest of the group. “In any case, now that you’ve all let me have my moment in the spotlight, I guess I’d better get back to what was going on with the group. We’re close to the battle now.”

“Kibum’s next, isn’t he?” Jungsoo asks, a resigned sadness in his voice. “I think it’s my duty to be the one to talk about him.”

“I thought we’d gotten past this, Jungsoo.”

“I’m not saying I haven’t forgiven myself, or that I’m letting what happened still hold me back. But the fact remains that I was the one to make the call that led to losing him, so I feel responsible for doing at least this.”

Heechul can’t hold the eye contact long before he drops his gaze, somber expression matching that of the others in the room.

“Go ahead.”

“Thank you.” Jungsoo closes his eyes for a moment to find his center.

“One month later, Kibum walked into our lives, and things finally felt like they were getting back on track. He managed to rally his entire Cluster against the Drones just before we arrived. With our forces combined, it was a landslide victory; we were lucky he was so willing to join us after it was over.”

A pained look comes over his face. “Kibum was...really something else. He didn’t say a lot, but he had this inexplicable way of making you trust him, of making you believe that everything was going to be okay. He was the glue that kept us all together.”

“And he was gone way too damn soon,” Heechul adds angrily. “He should be here with us now to reminisce on the past few years, but instead he only got a month. Never forgive the Capital for that.”

“You mean the old Capital,” Kyuhyun prompts.

“We’re on good terms with them now, but that doesn’t mean we should forget. The chickens always come home to roost.”

Jungsoo gives him a bitter shadow of a smile. “Just like we always end up here in our story: on the eve of the final battle. This one wasn’t all that different from the night four months ago, aside from how naively we thought we could win. We thought the Resistance was untouchable.”

“Right to it then, huh?” Heechul asks. “Let’s do it. July thirteenth, the night before our strike at the Capital. Everyone who wants a turn can have one. Any volunteers to go first?”

A hand goes up, and Heechul gives the man in question a nod.

“The floor is yours.”


	11. Chapter 11

Ryeowook is already aware that he doesn’t handle stress well. It’s a fact he accepts, just like the people around him accept the snapping and nagging that come along with it. But ever since Ryeowook’s time here at the Bunker had started, he’s never once been stressed out enough to sink down to this one desperate last resort.

He’s cooking. Stress-cooking. And one look at the state of the kitchen reveals that he’s not about to be done anytime soon with whipping up everything from ddeokbokki to crème brûlée.

There’s flour smeared across his face, sauce caked under his bitten-down nails, and some liquid that’s left a permanent stain on the right sleeve of his shirt, but Ryeowook can’t seem to find the mind to care because he is  _ still _ on edge and why isn’t this working yet??

That’s when Sungmin walks into the kitchen.

He takes one long look at the swath of baked goods and destruction, blinks, and calls, “Yesung? Come here for a second,” as if summoning their most eccentric member is going to help him understand the situation any better.

Jongwoon pops his head in the doorway a moment later, looking much less concerned when he sees what’s going on.

“Panic-baking?” he asks, ignoring Sungmin’s raised eyebrow.

Ryeowook is eternally grateful that he doesn’t have to explain himself. He nods an affirmative, but can’t control the way his arm is still furiously swirling the spatula in the mixing bowl. He will finish these cupcakes, dammit, if it will stop his hands from shaking.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Sungmin tries to calm him. He might not fully understand what’s going on, but Ryeowook’s obsessive movements make it clear that something is wrong. “Want to tell us what’s going on?”

Ryeowook just shakes his head at the question. It’s bad enough for the others to walk in on his breakdown, but he has a bad feeling he’ll start bawling if they ask him to open up. They think he’s fragile enough as it is; losing it isn’t going to help Ryeowook’s case.

Sungmin sighs at the rejection. “Ryeowook, not talking about the problem isn’t just going to make it disappear.”

“Maybe we can help,” Jongwoon suggests, taking the gentler approach.

And fortunately for all three of them, Ryeowook’s instincts make their choice before his brain can decide what it wants. His hands halt their progress with the mixing bowl, and his body slumps back against the counter, all traces of panic-induced adrenaline evaporating.

“I’m just...worried,” Ryeowook tells them, certain that they all know how big of an understatement it clearly is. “I’m not upset about not coming along, you know; Donghee’s staying with me, and fighting isn’t exactly number one on my list. But all of you…”

“Worried about us?” Jongwoon asks, giving one of his lopsided smiles. But Ryeowook knows perfectly well that the other man isn’t playing his worry off as a joke. There’s genuine concern behind that smile.

“Very,” he lets himself admit.

Sungmin steps further into the kitchen, leaning against the counter opposite of Ryeowook. “Well, while we  _ do _ appreciate the concern,” he says, “You don’t have to worry. Donghee’s plan is genius, and we’ve got the best possible team at our backs.”

Jongwoon nods seriously at the other man’s words. “This time tomorrow, we’ll be celebrating our victory, and you’ll be wondering why you ever worried.”

They’re the words Ryeowook wants to hear, the optimism he wants to believe in. And compared to the pit of anxiety he’s been digging for himself the past few hours? Blindly falling into the others’ words sounds like a much better alternative.

“Thank you,” he tells them, finally starting to calm down. “And sorry for getting all worked up over nothing.”

“It’s not ‘nothing’ if it means something to you, is it?” Sungmin pulls Jongwoon further into the kitchen, too, gaze settling on a portion of the kitchen disaster. “Now come on; let us help you finish this last batch. We can’t let all the batter go to waste.”

Ryeowook has to take a moment to count his lucky stars for the members before he launches into a spiel on how to properly make dough rise. Finally, he’s in his element.

⋙

“Aww, how sweet!~”

“And here I was thinking that Sungmin didn’t have a soft side. Who wants to follow that one? Any takers? Going once, twice...there we go. Set the scene for us.”

⋘

Henry paces back and forth across the shop floor, checking off items one by one in his head.

“So you know what time you have to get up tomorrow?” he asks aloud.

Zhou Mi is sitting behind the counter, watching his movements with some sort of sympathetic amusement. “Eight o'clock sharp.”

“And you have all the cargo packed?”

“We’ll pass inspection just as easily as we always do.”

“And after you drop them off, you know exactly where━?”

“Henry,” Zhou Mi cuts in with a soft laugh. “We’ve been over this already. I’m as prepared as I can be; as long as I follow the plan, I’ll be safe.”

Henry almost starts to protest that no amount of preparation is too much when it comes to something this important, but considering this is their third time doing this just today…

“Okay, you’re right,” he concedes. “I really shouldn’t worry, considering you’re the best undercover smuggler  _ and _ actual caravanner there is.”

Zhou Mi is all smiles at the compliment. “One of those is because I have such a good business partner. But come on, let’s get some sleep. You’ll get too antsy if you stay up, and I don’t want to miss my cue just because I overslept.”

The thought almost makes Henry laugh. “I guess that would kind of invalidate all those compliments I just gave you, wouldn’t it?” he asks. “I’ll see you in the morning; make sure you wake me up before you go.”

“I wouldn’t dream of doing anything else.” Zhou Mi gives him a quick hug goodbye before he starts to leave, but pauses just before he’s out the door.

“And Henry? Thanks for always believing in me.”

The weight of tomorrow’s mission suddenly feels a hundred times lighter.

⋙

“Short and sweet. Now I feel bad for not letting you narrate more, kid.”

“No hard feelings. Mi and I weren’t as closely involved with the rest of you until after this first big mission, so I wouldn’t have much to add...other than my personal flair.”

“And suddenly I’ve lost all of my temporary empathy. Next? Ah, this one should be good…”

⋘

Donghae hooks his fist upward, then brings his right hand around for a direct punch, knocking against his opponent’s arm.

“Good hit, Donghae,” Siwon says from the side. “Now show me your defense.”

A fist comes flying at Donghae’s other side, and he’s just in time to cross his forearms in its path, protecting his chest.

“Alright, you’ve both got the hang of that,” Siwon tells the pair with an approving nod. “Ready to move on to another technique?”

Donghae shares a glance with his opponent. “I’m ready if Kibum’s ready.”

Said man’s lips curve in the slightest of smiles. “And I’m  _ always _ ready.”

It takes a minute for Siwon to demonstrate exactly what he wants them to be doing. Donghae can’t say he’s surprised the other man is being so thorough; it had been the Boom Squad member’s idea in the first place to coach the Shadow Squad members on hand-to-hand combat in case they had to deal with Drones up close. And Donghae can definitely respect his dedication: Siwon wasn’t kidding about training up until the last minute, considering it was the night before their final test.

It’s this respect that also makes Donghae give his best effort to keep his eyes trained on Siwon and not on a certain other Shadow Squad member on the sidelines doing his own flexibility training (when he’s not poking fun at the pair sparring). Hyukjae isn’t making it easy, to say the least. His stretching by itself would be enough of a distraction, but he clearly knows what he’s doing, if the wink he sent Donghae earlier is any indication. Donghae almost huffs a second time in exasperation just thinking about it.

The memory is interrupted when he suddenly realizes Siwon is addressing him again.

“Donghae? Did you follow me?”

“What?” He quickly recollects himself. “Oh, of course. Let’s go.” How hard can it be to figure things out as he goes?

Donghae finds out the answer to that question approximately five seconds later when he punches Kibum square in the jaw.

Kibum recoils immediately, pressing both hands to the injury, but Donghae’s profuse apologies of “Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” are quickly brushed aside with a laugh and a begrudging compliment.

(“At least now we know you can pack a punch.”)

The late-night training wraps up very soon after that incident. Siwon insists it’s because he wants them all to get some extra sleep, but it seems far more likely that he doesn’t want to end up with any black eyes.

“We’ll see you two tomorrow,” Kibum tells Donghae and Hyukjae as they go their separate ways, and with that last word comes everything Donghae’s been trying not to think about.

He’s silent the entire walk back to the bedroom, unable to shake off the feeling of foreboding that’s settled deep within his gut. There’s not one thing he can point his finger at and say ‘there,  _ that’s _ what I’m worried about,’ but in some ways that makes the feeling worse.

Donghae still doesn’t speak as he and Hyukjae change out of their training clothes, as Hyukjae maneuvers them onto the bed so that he can treat Donghae’s shoulders to their daily massage ritual.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Hyukjae asks him softly, thumbs kneading into the crook of Donghae’s neck.

“If you promise not to laugh.”

“When have I ever laughed?” Hyukjae insists, but backtracks after the other man’s over-the-shoulder pout. “Never when you’re serious about something. You know that.”

It’s the truth. Donghae will admit his earlier statement was childish, but he can’t help but feel defensive when he’s clearly the only one worried about the mission tomorrow. Is it that much of an overreaction?

“I can’t get rid of this bad feeling,” Donghae admits. “I trust Donghee’s plan and I trust all the members, but...I don’t know. No matter how much I try to convince myself to be optimistic, it won’t leave me alone.”

Hyukjae’s hands pause in their ministrations for the briefest of moments before they continue. “Are you really that worried?”

“I didn’t say it made sense, did I?”

There’s another beat of silence before Hyukjae brushes off the other man’s worries with a quick, “Nothing bad is going to happen, Hae. Don’t worry.” And Donghae swears it sounds like Hyukjae is avoiding the issue of ‘tomorrow’ entirely, but the beginnings of his protest are cut off when he feels fingers tease the skin just underneath the hem of his shirt.

“Want me to take your mind off of it?” Hyukjae murmurs at the base of his neck, and that effectively ends the conversation.

It’s not like Donghae is about to say ‘no’.

⋙

“And you all were getting on  _ my  _ case for oversharing.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s because we trust Donghae to stop in time, Heechul. I mean, what were you doing that night?”

“Nothing that I plan on telling any of you, that’s what.”

“If he’s not going to tell it, I will.”

“Dammit, Geng, I’ve already ruined my image enough as it is.”

“Then you have nothing to lose.”

“...Just do it.”

⋘

The stars are brighter than Han Geng remembers. Maybe it’s because he’s so used to looking at them through the film of Capital smog, or maybe it’s simply because of the company he’s currently keeping; his companion has a way of making everything seem sharper and more vibrant.

They’re laying on the ground side-by-side, eyes glued on the celestial bodies hanging above their heads. Han Geng can’t picture a better way to spend this important night...except he does have one nagging thought that keeps tugging at the back of his mind.

“Are you sure we’re allowed to be out here?” he asks for the fourth time. “I would think Leeteuk would be angry if he found out we were outside the Bunker.”

Heechul doesn’t miss a beat. “What Jungsoo doesn’t know won’t hurt him. And besides, we’re still a few feet from the entrance; it’s not like we’re putting ourselves in too much danger. Relax and enjoy the view ━ other than myself, of course.”

Han Geng snorts at the comment but looks over at Heechul anyway, eyes tracing the way the moonlight is reflecting off the other man’s features in shimmering silver lines. He looks almost ethereal. And it’s the almost unrealistic beauty of this image that compels Han Geng to take Heechul’s hand in his own.

For just a moment, they share a look of understanding, the rare unguarded tenderness in Heechul’s eyes undoubtedly mirrored by Han Geng’s own. The feeling doesn’t pass, but the moment itself does as their eyes are drawn back to the vastness of the sky above them.

It’s almost easy to picture the Resistance in the stars, Han Geng thinks. No,  _ as _ the stars. Bright reminders of the hope they’re keeping alive even on the darkest of nights. Their presence might be ignored or taken for granted, but for the ones who look ━really, truly look━ they make the most beautiful constellations.

“Do you think we’ll be okay tomorrow?” Han Geng suddenly asks, voice soft enough not to disturb the atmosphere.

“Of course. What kind of a question is that? Tomorrow night we can look at the stars from the balcony of the Capital’s tallest building ━ that’s a promise.”

And Han Geng, as he has always done, believes every word. He lets Heechul’s confidence fill him up entirely, allows it to strengthen his own resolve. It’s not that he believes the Resistance to suddenly be invincible, but he’s seen enough to believe in the power of Heechul’s determination.

A smile passes across his face as another thought comes to him. “So about that kiss under the stars you wanted…”

Heechul looks genuinely confused for a few moments before realization widens his eyes. “How did you find out about that!?”

“You talk in your sleep.”

One indignant huff and Heechul is half a second away from denying everything, so Han Geng turns to peck him once on the lips, just to skip the disagreement.

“I bet you use that on all the girls,” Heechul tells him with a snort, but he’s smiling. It’s the last image Han Geng puts in his memory when they both turn their gazes back to the sky.

The stars in their eyes are even brighter than the ones above their heads.

⋙

“I never did get to keep that promise, did I?”

“I’ll take the blame for that.”

“A promise is still a promise. We’ll go tomorrow night and sneak up to the balcony and...Zhou Mi, are you crying?”

“Me?” (A faint sniffle.) “No, I just...that was so beautiful...can someone else please go before I accidentally flood the living room?”

“I think there’s only three people unaccounted for. Which one of you is going? Jungsoo?”

“I’ll pass.”

“Come on, even I’ve gone. What kind of example are you trying to set here, oh Great Leader?”

“If I have permission to talk about it...okay, here goes nothing.”

⋘

There’s no clocks in the Bunker’s basement, but Jungsoo doesn’t need to see glowing red digits to know that it’s far past time for him to turn in for the night. Across from him, Donghee looks just as tired as Jungsoo himself feels as they look over the map on the table for what seems like the thousandth time.

It can’t be helped; Jungsoo will not allow the mission tomorrow to go anything less than perfectly. If it costs him a good night’s sleep to protect his members, that’s a price he’ll gladly pay. The number of things that could go wrong, the variables they can’t account for…

Jungsoo doesn’t realize he’s falling asleep on his feet until Donghee pats him on the back.

“Get some rest,” the other man insists. “At this point, there’s nothing left to go over that we can’t look at tomorrow.”

“But if there’s anything━”

“We would have caught it by now. Sleep.”

Jungsoo relents with a sigh, leaving with a brief ‘goodnight’ and doing his best not to fall as he climbs up two flights of stairs. Sleep deprivation, unsurprisingly, does not do wonders for his coordination.

What  _ is _ a surprise is the sight that greets him at the top: Youngwoon is standing just outside his office door, staring at it like he’s not sure if he’s allowed to knock. Guilt stirs uncomfortably in Jungsoo’s gut.

Quietly, he asks, “Did you need something?”, and Youngwoon finally notices his presence. He whips around almost before Jungsoo can finish the question.

When Youngwoon opens his mouth to speak, Jungsoo’s not certain if he’s more afraid or expectant for what worlds will come out. Neither reaction turns out to be necessary; it closes with nothing more than a sigh. That’s been their status quo ever since Jungsoo made that single decision a year ago ago, hasn’t it? Silence. Silence and avoidance.

This time, Youngwoon only upholds one of the two. After a moment’s hesitation, he steps forward to wrap his arms around the other man in a resigned, wordless hug.

It’s frankly out of sheer surprise that Jungsoo allows it to happen in the first place. He has no idea what he’s doing anymore when he hugs back, still refusing to let go for a few moments more after Youngwoon’s arms start to drop.

But he has to let go. Youngwoon leaves without another word, and Jungsoo is left doubting if the results of his actions are as noble as his intentions.

And so he lies awake that night unable to shake the ghost of strong arms protecting him from the rest of the world.

And so he regrets.

⋙

“A fitting end for our calm before the storm,” Heechul says with a note of finality, but even as he moves on, he has a hand squeezing Jungsoo’s arm, letting him know without words that he’s not alone.

“Let me paint a picture of the morning of July 14th. There we all were, crowded into the armory and gearing up for the trip. I was going over the mission plan one last time with Donghee and Jungsoo, Siwon and Youngwoon were double-checking our weapons supply, Ryeowook was ━ I assume ━ making Sungmin and Jongwoon pinky-promise to come back safely, Hyukjae was failing miserably at hiding the hickey on his neck when he was helping Donghae and Kibum with their equipment…”

“Coming from the one who turned into a blushing, giggling mess when a certain someone walked in late.”

“I don’t ‘giggle’, Hyukjae. And I don’t blush, because as you all know, I’m shameless.” He rolls his eyes for good measure. “No more ruining the mood; let me finish that morning. Jungsoo gave us a pep talk before we left, something along the lines of what a brotherhood we’d become, how nothing could stand in our way.”

Heechul pauses for a moment, expression losing all traces of humor. “And then it was time. Fast forward a few hours and we made it inside the Capital with Zhou Mi’s help, just like we did last time. It was when our whole group was approaching the city center that things started to take a turn for the worse…”


	12. Chapter 12

**July 14th, 2018 - The Capital**

Heechul halts behind Hyukjae as the other man comes to an abrupt stop. He doesn’t question the hand that’s held up to stop the group’s progress. Jungsoo may be the one calling the shots, but Hyukjae is still their ace when it comes to sneaking in.

“We’re almost at the city center,” Hyukjae tells them in a murmur, “but there’s hardly any people around. I don’t like it.”

“You think they know we’re here?” Jongwoon asks him.

“I hope not, but━”

“Hey!”

A yell sounds from ahead of their position, and Heechul’s sure they’ve been discovered until another voice ━another policeman, he assumes━ answers with a perturbed “What is it?”

“I need another status report. We got word of the Resistance within the walls just five minutes ago, but the Mayor wants to know what’s being done to capture them.”

Heechul hears at least three members swear under their breath.

“A state of emergency has been declared to corral the citizens back into their homes, and Drone units have been dispatched across the city; we’ll catch them soon enough...did the Mayor specify this time  _ why _ he wants them out of the picture so badly?”

The first policeman lets out a short bark of laughter. “The same thing he always says: that they’re a threat to the order he’s worked to establish. And frankly, that’s good enough for me when I see the number on my paycheck each month. It should be for you, too.”

There’s some sort of response, but by then the two men are too far away for the Resistance members to make out the rest of the conversation. Not that it would matter, Heechul supposes. They know what they need to know: the Capital has their eyes wide open, and they’re ready to strike.

“What are we going to do?” Hyukjae asks. It takes Heechul a moment to realize the Shadow Squad leader is talking to him before he remembers he’s supposed to be their Strategist.

Only, this time, he’ll admit there’s someone else who knows every possible variation of their plan better than he does.

“Jungsoo?” he prompts. “Are we sticking to the original plan?”

The Resistance leader has that look on his face he gets when he’s incredibly stressed out but trying not to worry the others.

“We...should probably split up,” he decides. “They’ll be much less likely to find us if we’re moving around in smaller groups. We can go different directions and meet up again near the broadcasting towers.”

They quickly divide in half, Heechul taking along Han Geng, Sungmin, and Kibum, and go their separate ways. Heechul’s team skirts along the west side of the market toward the more abandoned part of town, what used to be the old manufacturing district. As they slink along, he can’t help but wonder what will be the first thing to go wrong.

He gets his answer a few minutes into their journey when they practically collide with a group of Drones.

“Get down!” Heechul shouts, and the members scatter to dive behind the nearest cover, anything from decaying parts of buildings to some other piece of wreckage left behind.

When there’s a break in the Drones’ fire, Heechul leans out of cover to take one shot, two shots at their attackers with the magnum revolver at his hip. He gets back down to reload, but by the time he’s ready to fire again, there’s no Drones left to shoot at. All he can see are four bodies on the ground and three smoking guns in his chosen teammates’ hands...and Heechul is reminded of how he so wisely chose them in the first place. What can he say? He has a good sense for this sort of thing.

And speaking of senses…

“I’m guessing that marching heading our way isn't some sort of welcoming party.”

Kibum is on it as soon as the words leave the Strategist’s mouth, scaling a section of collapsed rubble to get a better vantage point. When he returns, he confirms Heechul’s suspicions.

“There’s more Drones on the way. I can’t see how many.”

And things had been going so well after that first hiccup, too. They just couldn’t seem to catch a break.

“No reason not to stand our ground,” Heechul tells the group. “We’ve got firepower and multiple exit routes. You in?”

Three nods answer his words.

“Good, because I think we’re out of time. Everyone, back into cover!”

Heechul himself has just finished reclaiming his spot when the reinforcements burst into the area, guns blazing. Whoever’s in charge of the Drone control station is clearly not playing around this time; it’s a full frontal assault. Even under the onslaught of the Resistance members’ return fire, it’s clear the latter party is outmatched.

“Retreat!” Heechul yells to the others, hating the feeling of the word on his tongue. “Fall back toward my position!”

Sungmin takes the first chance he can get to rush out of cover and back to safety in the the street they’d just taken, Han Geng and Kibum hot on his heels. Bullets embed themselves into the walls behind them, but they’re faster. Fast enough to sprint down the street and follow Heechul’s best guess at a turn that takes them deeper into the abandoned district.

They don’t dare stop running until the Drones’ firing isn’t even an echo in the distance. Only then does Heechul pause, hands resting on his thighs as he leans over to catch his breath.

“Is everyone okay?” he asks, and is relieved to hear the affirmatives he gets in response. Only...

_ That’s not three voices. _

Heechul turns back around, and that’s when he sees the member who’s failed to respond. Kibum is lagging behind at the tail of the group, clutching his side with a pained grimace.

The  _ What’s wrong?  _ that crosses Heechul’s mind evaporates the moment he sees red staining Kibum’s fingers.

“ _ Fuck _ ,” he mutters under his breath, and thankfully Sungmin is quick to start examining the injury before Heechul has to do it himself. The sight of blood is not one of his strengths.

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” Kibum insists, following it up with another wince as Sungmin presses on the skin.

Heechul’s not buying it. “Bullshit. Were you shot?”

“Yes, but with a rebounded bullet. It’s not deep.”

Sungmin frowns as he moves Kibum’s fingers aside to take a closer look. “That doesn’t change the fact that you’re losing a lot of blood. Ryeowook sent supplies along with me, so I can patch you up...but we’re going to need cover. Somewhere relatively safe.” The last remark is directed at the Strategist.

Cover. Kibum’s situation had made Heechul lose sight of his top goal: survival. If he recalls correctly…

“The old shipping center was based a few blocks ahead. There are enough buildings in the complex to hide us while we’re hiding out. Think you can make it that far?”

Kibum gives him a stubborn nod, mask of calm back on his face.

It’s almost believable.

=

Heechul’s memory serves him well; they do actually end up in the complex he was aiming for, even if it’s a bit more run-down that he was expecting.

Sungmin helps Kibum limp inside their chosen hideout, keeping weight off of the injured man’s side. The bleeding hasn’t gotten any worse after Han Geng sacrificed part of his shirt to form a tourniquet for the wound, but it certainly hasn’t gotten better. It’s good for everyone’s sake they’ve found cover when they have.

The building they’ve picked is one floor, presumably used as a warehouse at some point in its prime. The high ceiling and wide open space hadn’t inspired Heechul’s confidence, but one key feature had: the building has no windows. There’s no telling how long they have until Capital forces catch up with them; the last thing they need is to lose their cover to a rookie mistake.

Kibum collapses against the wall the moment Han Geng locks the door behind the group. Sungmin opens the pack strapped at his waist to start treating the wound, and it’s only when he addresses Heechul that the Strategist remembers his part to play isn’t over yet.

“You should radio Leeteuk and let him know what happened.”

“If it was that easy, I would have done it the second things went south. We’re under strict radio silence until Donghee perfects a scrambling chip for the headsets.”

Han Geng crosses his arms. “Radio silence  _ unless _ there’s an emergency. I think this qualifies.”

_ I hate it when he’s right. _

“Fine, I’ll just...I’m not the only one hearing that, am I?”

There’s a low rumbling from outside the building that slowly fades back to silence, only for the same sound to repeat again, close enough to make the walls vibrate.

“What the hell?” Kibum hisses out from the floor.

And Heechul takes that as his cue to hit the call button on his earpiece.

Jungsoo’s voice comes through half a second later. “ _ Heechul? _ ” There’s gunshots in the background of the static.

“Things aren’t going well. Kibum needs serious patching up, so we had to take cover, and now I’m hearing explosions outside?”

“ _ We’re in the same boat, minus the explosions. Only minor injuries, but we’ve run into a lot more Drones than we’d planned for. Progress is slow. _ ”

Heechul lets out a long sigh, walking out of the others’ earshot. “Jungsoo...I think we should pull out of the city and scrap the mission.”

“ _ After we’ve gotten this far? _ ”

“They’re obviously ready for anything we’ll try to do. I really don’t think━”

“ _ Hold your position _ ,” Jungsoo tells him. “ _ You’re headed toward the old manufacturing block? _ ”

“Yes, but━”

“ _ I’ll lead my team directly to you. Once we meet up, we can all rush the comm station together and then get out of here as quickly as we can.” _

Heechul doesn’t like it, but Jungsoo has a point. He supposes it can’t go too badly to wait a little while longer. If they really need to leave, Heechul won’t hesitate to get the hell out of the district.

“If you’re sure. But get here as fast as you can.”

“ _ I will; I promise. _ ” There’s another round of gunfire in the background before Jungsoo cuts the connection.

Another explosion rattles the walls as Heechul walks back over to the group, which probably doesn’t make it all that convincing when he tells them that they’re staying.

“Does he have any idea why they’re setting off explosives?” Han Geng asks him instead of objecting.

“My guess is that they’re detonating buildings they think are disposable to flush us out,” Sungmin answers. “And on a similar note...there, Kibum. You’re good for the time being as long as you take it slow.”

Kibum, being the stubborn person he is, immediately takes the opportunity to get back on his feet, one hand bracing against the wall. His determination is something Heechul has to admire, even when he really thinks the man should rest. He’s been  _ shot _ .

“Think you can walk?” Heechul asks him.

“I’ll do my best. And I think we should use that to our advantage and leave. Either this area or the Capital.”

“Like I said, we’re under orders to say.”  _ Even if I don’t exactly agree. _

“You didn't seem like the kind of person to blindly follow instructions that might get us killed.” Kibum takes another step forward. “If we could at least find a better position to defend━” he starts, and that’s the last of the sentence he gets out before an explosion goes off just outside.

A secondary charge follows moments later, and with an earth-shattering  _ BOOM! _ , the back of the building caves in, sending the wall and part of the roof tumbling to the ground.

It happens too fast. One moment Heechul is gaping at the sudden devastation, the next moment he sees Kibum disappear underneath the collapsing rubble. The loud groaning of metal doesn’t reach his ears in his state of shock until he’s being violently shoved aside by Han Geng. The “Watch out!!” the other man yells at him still echoes as he falls to the ground, earpiece landing broken next to him with a sharp  _ crack _ .

Something Heechul can’t see crashes behind him and kicks up more dirt and debris. The air is filled with falling pieces of what used to be the back of the building, he thinks he hears voices shouting, and Heechul is so disoriented he can hardly tell up from down.

_ Get up! _ he yells at himself. He makes it to his hands and knees, coughing up dust, but standing gives way to the priority of finding his team. Heechul is supposed to be looking out for them, dammit, and if they’ve gotten separated…

He sees Sungmin first. The other man must have rolled out of the way of the cave-in in time, if the dirt staining his clothes is anything to go by.

_ Good, one less person to worry about. Now where is…? _

Then he sees Han Geng. And in that moment, Heechul hardly registers that Kibum is nowhere to be found, because he sees the massive steel beam that’s fallen across Han Geng’s lower half and pinned him to the spot Heechul was standing just moments before.

Because he saved Heechul’s life.

Heechul scrambles to his side, horror sinking into his bones at the sight. 

“Holy shit, Geng, are you okay?”

It’s a stupid question when the answer is so obviously ‘no,’ but it comes out all the same.

“No, I think…” Han Geng trails off, agony painting his features. “I think I broke something. Or everything? I don’t think I can feel one of my legs.”

_ Shit. Shit. Shit. _

“Sungmin, help me with him!” Heechul calls. He doesn’t look up until there’s no response, but when he does, he finally realizes why the other man wasn’t immediately available.

Sungmin is dodging gunfire when he ducks down behind a chunk of what used to be the roof to call back, “I’m a little busy right now!”

It utterly confounds Heechul why there would be gunfire in the first place until he remembers: Drones. They’ve been found, and everything’s gone to hell.

Two more shots, and Sungmin rolls from his cover over to where Heechul is kneeling in front of the beam ━ which, Heechul realizes with a kind of bitter irony, has been acting as  _ his _ cover this whole time.

A curse falls from Sungmin’s lips when he sees the state Han Geng is in, but he doesn’t let himself freeze up like Heechul had started to do; he loops his arms around Han Geng's protruding torso and pulls, Heechul doing his best to help.

And Han Geng screams.

“Stop it!” he begs them. Heechul drops the hold as though he’s been burned. “That hurts like hell, and I haven’t even moved an inch. Not when this thing is so heavy.”

“So, what? You’re giving up?” Heechul asks him, voice going up an octave. He looks over to Sungmin for backup, but the other man is back to firing at their pursuers, a grim look set on his face. “Geng, we are  _ not _ fucking leaving you here!”

“You think I  _ want _ you to?” Han Geng looks up at him as much as he can, and that’s when Heechul sees the angry tears threatening to fall from the other man’s eyes. “Let’s face it: more Drones are coming, the other squad isn’t, and you aren’t going to be able to take me with you.”

“But━”

“There’s too many of them!” Sungmin yells from above them. “We have to fall back if you don’t want to end up dead!”

It’s too fast. Heechul’s whole world is slipping more through his fingers with every second that ticks by.

“I already said we aren’t leaving! After you literally saved my life, after everything, you expect me to walk away from━”

“Heechul…” Han Geng says, trying to calm him down even now.

“Don’t give me that! I’m not leaving you behind, idiot, I already━” Heechul chokes on the lump in his throat, finally unable to stop his own devastation from overwhelming him. “I already made you a promise. We have to watch the stars from a Capital rooftop, we have to finally enjoy our time together not running from the Drones, we have to…”

He can’t continue. It’s a foreign concept to even consider not being able to wake up and know he’s with his other half. It’s not until Han Geng softly tells him, “Heechul, please don’t leave me here knowing that you’re going to die. I need to know you’re going to be okay,” that it sinks in: Heechul really has to leave him. And when Han Geng knows Heechul would do anything for him, how can he possibly ask  _ this _ ?

How can he ask Heechul to walk away?

“Always remember that I love you, okay?” Han Geng says softly, and that’s the last straw. Heechul breaks down into ugly sobs, because despite all that’s happened between them, they have never said those words out loud to each other.

_ Of course you would pick now, of all times. I thought I was supposed to be the heartbreaker between us. _

Sungmin sounds more devastated than he ever should when he says, “Heechul, we have to leave  _ now _ . I’m sorry; there’s too many for the two of us to take, much less just me.”

_ Two. Kibum’s not even...fuck, this is not happening. _

Another round of gunfire forces Sungmin down behind cover, and Heechul knows this is it. The clock is ticking down its final seconds.

_ Tick-Tock. _

He tries to memorize every last detail of Han Geng’s face, preserving it forever inside his memory. No matter what happens, he refuses to forget.

_ Tick-tock. _

And, god, does he try his hardest to plaster a smile on his face. Han Geng’s final memories of him shouldn’t be of him losing himself to his agony.

_ Tick… _

Heechul should say something. He wants to, but there are no words that are enough. Thankfully, Han Geng seems to understand. He reaches out his arms for Heechul to embrace him as best as he can, the Strategist holding on to him fiercely.

_ ...Tock. _

Time’s up.

Heechul refuses to let go, so Sungmin does it for him. He detaches Heechul’s death grip from Han Geng and pulls him to his feet. He says something to Han Geng, but Heechul is far past paying attention, far past doing anything beyond staring at Han Geng’s face as Sungmin forcefully drags him toward the door.

_ Goodbye. I’m sorry. I’m so, so… _

They’ve just made it out the door when another blast goes off and the building collapses in on itself, leaving nothing but a heap of smoking rubble.

And Heechul is sure he’ll never feel anything again.

Except…

There’s one thing he forgot, isn’t there? He can’t put his finger on it, but he’s sure there was something Han Geng said…

_ I love you. _

Heechul hadn’t said it. He’d forgotten to say ‘I love you.’ Now it was too late to say anything at all.

And Heechul screams. He screams out his pain in the direction of Han Geng’s final resting place as Sungmin drags him the opposite way.

Screams until the ringing in his ears is louder than the sound of him breaking apart.


	13. Chapter 13

At first, Heechul doesn’t dare to look up, doesn’t dare to meet anyone else’s eyes in the room. He’d stopped trying to scrub the tears off his face a while ago, too lost in the memories to bother with hiding his pain.

A broken sound escapes past the hand he’s clamped tightly over his mouth, and that’s when Jungsoo seems to reach his limit.

“Heechul, I know this is important to you, but you need to stop...telling the story is killing you.”

“I’m not finished.”

“You’ve done enough. Everyone will understand if━”

“Shut up!” Heechul can’t help it; his control snaps. Fortunately the others in the room still seem more sympathetic than annoyed.

He takes a shaky breath before continuing, “If I stop now, I won’t be able to finish.”

“Hyung…” Kyuhyun starts cautiously, and it sounds so strange coming from his mouth because Kyuhyun never uses honorifics with the others, even being the youngest of the bunch. “Please, you can stop here. I just wanted to know your backstory, not make you cry.”

Heechul almost laughs. “I thought it would have been obvious that you can’t have one without the other.”

He scrubs at his eyes once more even when it won’t help, feeling stretched too thin. “I really do hate you, Cho Kyuhyun,” he says. It’s a useless thing to say: he doesn’t really mean it, no one really buys it, but at the very least it helps Heechul focus.

Why does he want to finish the story so badly? Maybe it’s because he wants to prove a point that he’s stronger than what’s happened to him. Maybe it’s because he wants to make sure all the records are set straight. Whatever the case, he’d made up his mind since the first sentence that left his lips; it’s always been too late to stop this story from being told.

“Okay, I’m ready,” he finally says before immediately backpedaling. “Well, not ready. Not really. But here goes nothing.”

Heechul takes one more deep breath, digs his fingers into the fabric of the couch until his knuckles turn white, and begins.

⋘

**July 17th, 2018 - The Bunker**

Gray.

Heechul only sees gray. The cement walls of the room that hold him in their suffocating embrace, the dust that he only now notices has been gathering in the corners, the utter bleakness of whatever lies ahead.

How long has it been now? Days? Weeks? He’s lost track of the time that he’s lain here, refusing meals and ignoring the other members’ concerned pleas of “Heechul, please talk to us.”

He’s curled up on the center of his bed, staring unblinking at the wall, and the irony is almost funny, in a twisted sort of way: he’s in fetal position, the symbol of rebirth, when he’s in the process of dying inside. The universe does seem to have a sense of humor.

But even as Heechul stares at that wall, he’s not really seeing it. He’s hardly existing in this time at all. No, his mind is still back in that warehouse, still being ripped from Han Geng’s dying embrace over and over again.

“ _ I need to know you’re going to be okay,”  _ he still hears like a whisper in his ear.

Han Geng’s voice had always been comforting, but now it feels like torture. Heechul doesn’t want to forget him, doesn’t want one seemingly insignificant detail to escape his memory, but remembering  _ hurts _ . Is it supposed to be like this?

“ _ I love you. _ ”

Heechul curls himself into an even tighter ball, feels his heart physically aching inside his chest. That’s the best and worst memory he has, and when he thinks about it, about what went unsaid…

Heechul has always hated the sound of himself crying. Always hated the way his face scrunches up into a pained grimace and his chest heaves out of his control. But he can’t stop the sob that escapes his lips and echoes in the empty room.

There’s knocking at the door. Maybe someone heard him, maybe they’re just perpetually concerned; Heechul is past caring. He claps his hands over his ears, grits his teeth to stop the tears from coming.

And ends up sobbing helplessly into his pillowcase all the same.

=

**July 21st, 2018**

As time passes, Heechul feels numb. He’s still not sure if it’s better or worse than the pain that had been eating him up inside. Yes, he’s stopped crying, tears having run out a while ago, but he can feel himself starting to wither away.

Once, in the dead of night while the others were sleeping, Heechul had left the room to steal bottled water from the kitchen. That basic human impulse had been too strong to ignore. It’s not because of purposeful rationing that the bottles have been lasting him this long; he takes sips only when he feels himself blacking out...and even that’s hard to find the energy for, much less the heart to care.

Rattling at the door brings Heechul back to the present, something he’s learned to ignore by now, only this time it’s different. The sound of someone fiddling with the doorknob continues until there’s a definitive ‘ _ click’  _ and light comes spilling into the room.

Hyukjae is the one to walk in, and when he does, he freezes. Heechul watches silently as the other man takes in the state of the room: the heap of plastic bottles carelessly piled against the wall, the bucket in the corner that’s giving off a stench even worse than Heechul himself probably is, the skeleton of a person lying on the bed before him.

Heechul hears Hyukjae swear before he darts right back out of the room, calling for Sungmin. The man in question appears in the doorway seconds later, and it  _ almost _ snaps Heechul out of his trance-like state when he sees Sungmin nearly cry at the state he’s in.

But all the strength has left Heechul’s body. He remains limp and unmoving as Sungmin gathers his frail form into his arms and holds him tightly.

“What have you done?” Sungmin asks him in a whisper. The rest of what he says comes out in an unintelligible stream of concerned words that go in Heechul’s one ear and out the other.

“I’m so sorry,” Sungmin continues when he’s composed himself. “I should have...even if some of the others disagreed with me, I should have checked on you sooner.”

A soft knock at the door cuts off anything else Sungmin might have said, and Heechul can just make out Hyukjae in his peripheral, standing uncertainly at the entrance with food and water in his hands. Sungmin waves him closer, but that’s the most he lets Heechul go. The Strategist is still clutched tightly to his chest as he tells Hyukjae where to set things.

“Will you...need anything else?” Hyukjae asks, unable to look at Heechul directly.

Heechul remembers how he and Hyukjae had started to talk comfortably, even laugh together, after the other man had recovered. What he wouldn't give now for even a taste of that happiness.

Sungmin answers the question with a strained, “We’ll be fine. Could you give us some time alone?” and Hyukjae is thoughtful enough to lock the door when he leaves.

They care about him. How can they, how can  _ Sungmin _ , when he’d seen how weak Heechul had been in the end. When he’d listened to Heechul insist that they follow their leader’s instructions?

When he’s seen what Heechul has done to himself?

Sungmin has always been stronger than people give him credit for. He takes only another few short moments to collect himself before focusing all his energy on taking care of Heechul in earnest. Heechul blindly follows the other man’s lead as he’s brought to the bathroom to be undressed and finally washed up. Traces of guilt tug somewhere in his gut at how entirely useless he is, even at something as simple as staying on his feet. But Heechul is just...so tired. Even his consciousness fades in and out if he doesn’t concentrate enough.

When Sungmin is finished, he takes Heechul back to his room, now dressed in fresh clothes. He sits Heechul down on fresh bedsheets ( _ How did he manage to do that? _ Heechul vaguely wonders. Hyukjae, probably), and the Strategist fully expects to be left alone. Yet again, Sungmin surprises him.

“I realize that you want time by yourself,” Sungmin says softly. “Locking your door made that clear enough. But I won’t let you fade away while I stand by and do nothing, you hear me? I’m not losing you, too.”

Sungmin’s voice wavers at the end, and a fresh wave of pain sweeps over Heechul at the other man’s words. He’s been so selfish, doing his best to hurt everyone around him even when he hardly has the heart to fix himself.

A hand takes Heechul’s own unresponsive one, and even in the midst of his thoughts of self-hatred, Heechul hears Sungmin ask him, “Will you let me stay?”

_ “Listen, Heechul, I know you normally ask for me to leave but...just for tonight, will you let me stay?” _

_ “Fine, you sap. But only because you asked nicely.” _

He can’t speak. Grief has rendered him mute. But Heechul still finds himself clinging to Sungmin’s concern like a drowning man at sea. His fingers curl ever-so-slightly around Sungmin’s grip, and he knows the message has gotten across when the other man takes a seat behind him, a grateful smile gracing his features.

Sungmin is too good to him. Measures of time still escape Heechul’s comprehension, but he knows it’s a while that Sungmin sits there, brushing Heechul’s hair and talking about anything and everything. He doesn’t expect a response, and Heechul doesn’t pay attention to every word. It’s not about conversation; it’s about comfort. Heechul’s eyes slowly droop as the repeated motions lull him into the sweet arms of unconsciousness.

Anything is better than this fragile numbness, even feeling nothing at all.

=

**July 27th, 2018**

Over the course of the next week, Sungmin stays true to his word. He visits Heechul twice a day to repeat the same ritual: food, shower, and talk to the other man to keep him sane. Heechul slowly starts to become less of a wisp of a person.

He wonders often, in between flashbacks he can’t control, why it’s Sungmin of all people. He’s never treated the other man badly, but what has he done to earn such loyalty? It’s not until Sungmin says something in passing while taking care of him that a certain memory comes rushing back.

_ “You’re crazy, you know that?” Heechul says with a shake of his head, leaning against Sungmin’s doorframe. _

_ It’s only been hours since the Resistance members had returned from recruiting Yesung ━Jongwoon━ to the cause, and Heechul had ended up here, unable to shake off the memory of Sungmin standing with a gun pressed to his chest. _

_ Sungmin leans back in his chair, giving the other man an unreadable smile. “Am I, now?” _

_ “No sane person would have pulled that stunt you just managed to survive, so I’d say it’s a fair assessment. _

_ “So you disapprove?” _

_ “No, I…” Heechul pauses for a moment, unsure of what he wants to say. “I actually admire you for it. For quite a few things. But it hit me when you were standing there, about to die, that maybe I’ve been too distracted to be a good...friend? Can I even call us friends?” _

_ It’s even more awkward to say it out loud than it is to think it. _

_ Sungmin shrugs, but his smile dims considerably when he says, “There are a lot of members to keep track of. I can’t say I’m surprised that we haven’t spent much time together.” _

_ “This is different. Jungsoo and I see each other all the time ━too much, if you ask me━ and I have to talk to Donghee and Youngwoon when we’re planning missions. Donghae and Hyukjae have each other to fall back on, so I’m never worried. But you...I feel like we’ve dropped you in here without someone to get close to. I don’t want you to think you’re not wanted, that’s all.” _

_ Sungmin is quiet for a long moment before he admits, “I can’t say it hasn’t crossed my mind that if it weren’t for the money I brought with me, I wouldn't have a place.” _

_ “Bullshit,” Heechul tells him firmly. “You’ve earned it just as much as anyone else here. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished I could charge into a firefight looking even half as confident as you do.” _

_ “That could just be me compensating for being entirely unprepared,” Sungmin shoots back before lapsing into silence, considering. “So when you’ve been talking about me not being close to anyone...are you saying  _ we _ should be close?” _

_ Heechul snorts despite himself. “It sounds so contrived when you put it like that. But yeah, I guess I am. Any of the others could probably tell you that I’m not the best to talk to when you have a problem, but━” _

_ “Bullshit,” Sungmin says in an imitation of the Strategist’s earlier interruption. “I feel better now than I have the last four months thanks to you, and that’s not something to just sweep under the rug. You don’t give yourself nearly enough credit, Heechul.” _

The words had unexpectedly touched Heechul then, and they stick with him now, loud enough to drown out the insecurities that scream inside his head.

_ You don’t give yourself nearly enough credit. _

He’s not sure if he believes it, not exactly, but it’s such a sweet relief to finally have  _ quiet _ . Heechul’s awareness finally uncurls from the corner of his mind it’s been hiding in to place itself back in reality, back to where Sungmin is still brushing his hair and reminiscing about some pre-apocalypse holiday trip he’d taken.

A rush of gratitude threatens to overwhelm Heechul, surprising even himself, and this time it refuses to stay quiet. He opens his mouth, voice raspy from disuse, and simply says, “Thank you, Sungmin.”

It’s the first time he’s spoken in two weeks, and Sungmin knows it. The other man freezes in his movements before hugging Heechul tightly, arms wrapping around him from behind.

For once, Sungmin is the one with no words.

=

**July 28th, 2018**

With that, the spell over Heechul is broken.

When he wakes up the next morning, he doesn’t feel numb; he feels driven ━ and angry. He swings his legs over the side of the bed and stands, wobbling a bit on unsteady feet before regaining control of himself. In another time, Heechul would be horrified at his disheveled appearance, but he has more pressing things on his mind.

Before he can second-guess himself, he strides out the door, down the hallway, and through the main room, head held high. Other members are gathered there, and he thinks it’s Ryeowook’s voice that asks incredulously, “Heechul?” But none of them are the person Heechul is looking for, so he pays them no mind; he knows exactly where his target will be.

It’s with one focused purpose that he stalks up the stairs at the back of the room and storms into Jungsoo’s office, slamming the door behind him so forcefully that it nearly cracks the casing.

“Jungsoo, you bastard,” he says angrily, and the Resistance leader all but jumps out of his desk chair.

The toll that recent events have taken on the man in question is clear; clear in the dark circles carved under his eyes, in the haunted look on his face. Heechul sees it, but he’s not here for sympathy. It’s time to pay back the Resistance leader what he’s earned.

Heechul marches right up to Jungsoo and takes a direct swing at his face.

He’ll give credit where credit is due: the other man is fast. The surprise on his face lasts for less than a second before he catches Heechul’s wrist in a firm grip.

“Heechul━” Jungsoo starts, but Heechul isn’t finished. As pitiful as his attacks are after what he put his body through, he wrenches his hand free and swings at Jungsoo again and again.

“This is all your fault!” He yells at the Resistance leader, wrist caught yet again. “If you hadn’t fucking told us to hold position, they wouldn’t be fucking  _ dead _ !”

And maybe it’s because Jungsoo doesn’t fight back, doesn’t even try to defend himself from the accusations, that the last of Heechul’s strength abandons him. He goes limp in Jungsoo’s pacifying hold, grief threatening to return him to the sobbing mess he was a week ago.

“He’s gone, Jungsoo,” Heechul says quietly. “He’s gone.”

He doesn’t want to give the Resistance leader a black eye now as much as he’d like to run to the nearest dark corner and hide from this reality. Cautiously, he meets the other man’s eyes, not sure what kind of reaction he expects. What he finds, however, is that Jungsoo is avoiding his gaze entirely. He’s crying, letting go of Heechul’s wrists to scrub futilely at his eyes when he realizes the other man has seen.

“I’m sorry,” Jungsoo tells him brokenly. “It  _ was _ my fault. If I had just listened to what you...I’m so sorry.”

“For all the good that will do,” Heechul snaps back, and Jungsoo puts his head in his hands.

Heechul knows, rationally, that the Mayor and his puppets in the Capital are who he should be angry at ━ the monsters who were the real reason that Han Geng and Kibum were gone. But he’s far from being in a state of rational thinking, even when he feels guilt settle in his stomach for making Jungsoo cry.

“I’m going to get some more sleep,” he finally says, turning around so he doesn’t have to see the other man break down.

When he leaves, Jungsoo doesn’t say a word.

The members who were in the main room are gathered at the base of the stairs. Heechul pushes past them with a muttered “I’m fine,” and walks with renewed purpose to the room he’s looking for ━ not his own.

Sungmin is understandably surprised when Heechul barges into his room and locks the door behind him. If Sungmin says anything, Heechul knows he won’t be able to go through with this, so he doesn’t let that happen.

“Can I ask for a favor?” he asks the other man, and doesn’t wait more than a second after the “Anything” he gets in return to move closer, fiddling unsuccessfully with the ties on the sweatpants Sungmin had dressed him in.

“In that case, maybe this won’t be so hard to ask,” Heechul says without looking at the other man, still focused on these stupid ties that won’t seem to come undone no matter how much his shaking hands try.

_ Why the hell won’t━? _

“Heechul, stop,” Sungmin tells him, the look on his face the most concerned Heechul has seen him since he first saw the extent of Heechul’s self-destruction. “What are you doing?”

“I tried to make things better,” Heechul says, tone verging on desperate. “Now I feel like shit again, and more than anything I need a distraction. It doesn’t have to mean anything beyond you helping me out; things don’t even have to go far━” He nearly chokes on the words, he’s talking so fast. “Please, Sungmin, you’re the only one I can trust to ask this.”

Sungmin just gapes at him for a long moment, processing exactly what he’s is getting at. Heechul takes the opportunity to start slipping off the shirt he’s wearing, unsure now but still with his mind made up, until hands cover his own and halt his progress.

“Calm down, take a deep breath,” Sungmin says to him. He’s more collected now, seeming to be back in his element. If looking after Heechul’s mental state was an Olympic title, Sungmin would have locked up gold ages ago. “I’m not going to take advantage of you when you’re a trainwreck on two legs, okay? This is  _ not _ what you need.”

“Please━” Heechul starts in one last pitiful attempt to change his mind, but the other man cuts him off like he hadn’t even heard.

“Here’s what we’re going to do,” he says firmly. “I’m going to take a trip to the nearest Cluster and get some things together. Then we’re going to put my expertise to good use dying your hair something really loud ━ magenta, maybe? A new look for a fresh start. And no matter how long it takes, I’m going to make sure you’ll be okay.”

Heechul is torn between blurting out something incredibly sentimental or just an incredulous “magenta??”, so he ends up not saying anything. But Sungmin isn’t finished yet.

“You can wait right here in my room while I’m gone,” he continues, voice gentle even when the words are clearly an order. “Hyukjae will stay with you until I get back, since I don’t think you should be alone right now.”

“Hyukjae?” Heechul can’t help the disbelief that’s packed into that single world.

“You can trust him; I promise. Looking after Donghae for twenty-some years gave him a protective streak that right now is focused on you. And he’s already given me his word to keep anything related to you to himself.”

“He’s been your right-hand man in worrying about me this whole time, huh?”

“You could say that.”

At the very least, Sungmin’s decisiveness has let Heechul start thinking clearly again. He’s still a convoluted mess of anger and hurt, but he’s taken a step back from that ledge of total hysteria.

“Thanks for not giving up on me,” Heechul says in a mumble, shame not allowing him to fully express his gratitude.

Sungmin hugs him tightly anyway.


	14. Chapter 14

“The next day was Han Geng and Kibum’s funeral. There weren’t any...we couldn’t bury them, but we still had a ceremony. They deserved that much. Henry and Zhou Mi came to the Bunker that morning, and when I took one look at their faces, saw the way Zhou Mi still couldn’t stop crying...I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go. The thought of really saying goodbye…”

Heechul breaks off his shaky narration with an even shakier, “God, I can’t talk about this anymore,” feels the weight of all those gazes on him.

“Let me take it from here,” Hyukjae offers, and a nod is all Heechul can offer him in return.

Yes, he’s going to finish this story. He’s already made that choice. But there’s no part of their history that doesn’t deserve to be told in its entirety, and right now he can’t do it justice.

All eyes turn to Hyukjae as he picks up where Heechul left off.

“There’s not too much I can say about the funeral, in all honesty. It’s hard to put into words the emptiness we felt saying goodbye to people who’d been, more than our members, our friends. Some of us said a few words, Siwon and Ryeowook set up the memorial we’d been working on, and I don’t think there was a single dry eye by the end of it. Still…”

Hyukjae’s eyes flicker between faces for a brief moment before he continues. “Even though that was supposed to be our final goodbye, it didn’t change the...darkness? I think I can call it that: the darkness hanging over the Resistance. It still felt like nothing had changed ━ for some of us more than others. Umm, Heechul, can I…?”

“Everyone was there,” the Strategist tells him through a wad of tissues, waving away yet another one Han Geng is pressing into his hand. “Almost everyone. It’s nothing they don’t know.”

“I guess that’s true. Alright, I’ll do my best,” Hyukjae says. “Two days after the funeral, we decided to do something about that darkness…”

⋘

**July 31st, 2018 - The Bunker**

Heechul isn’t the only one grieving.

Hyukjae can only imagine what it’s like to lose your other half (he’s not blind; he knows along with the others how deeply Heechul had been in love). He’s tried to imagine it, tried to put himself in the other man’s shoes so he can find something to say that isn’t meaningless. But every time he starts to picture the world without  _ his  _ other half...he can’t stomach the thought for long enough to really dwell on it.

Days pass by, he watches as the members drift away from each other, he holds Donghae a little closer, and he still can’t find the words to say to Heechul.

But he means what he said: Heechul isn’t alone in his grief. None of them had considered the possibility of someone not coming back, which makes the loss even worse than if they’d known what a disaster the mission would turn into.

Some of them are doing their best to cope. Henry and Zhou Mi had been, the last time Hyukjae saw them, even with how much Zhou Mi had been broken by the loss of one of his closest friends.

Then there’s the group of members who orbit around Siwon like he holds all the answers, despite how often he insists he can only do his best to comfort them with words, especially when he’s still coping himself. Jongwoon, Ryeowook, and especially Donghae, who Hyukjae’s heart breaks for. He’d seen how close Donghae had gotten to Kibum in the months leading up to their mission, and he’d been happy for him: Donghae loved to be loved. Hyukjae had trusted Kibum to give him more of the validation he needed. And now Kibum is gone.

The nights Donghae cries, Hyukjae holds him tighter still.

Some of them don’t fit a mold. The Bunker is too quiet without Donghee’s laughter, a sound that hasn’t been heard for far too long. Guilt seems to have driven him away from the others no matter how much they insist he couldn’t have known his plan wouldn’t work. And Sungmin, the only other member present during the warehouse explosion, is quite obviously using his nursing of Heechul to compensate for his own survivor’s guilt. The two members are on opposite sides of the same coin. But Hyukjae has watched them, and he has a feeling they only need time to recover.

The same can’t be said for the remaining three members. Heechul’s situation is clear enough ━ Hyukjae will never be able to forget the moment he picked the lock into the Strategist’s room and saw him on his way to joining those they’d lost. Jungsoo and Youngwoon aren’t much better, retreating from the others to be consumed by their own self-condemnation.

It sounds terrible when Hyukjae thinks it, but it’s the truth: the Resistance doesn’t have a leader. Jungsoo will have to actually leave his office for more than five minutes at a time to fill the shoes of his position. If he doesn’t come around...the Resistance will just have to do what they’ve always done: soldier on.

Then there’s Hyukjae himself, stuck in a strange negative space between wanting to grieve with the other members so he can move on, and at the same time believing he doesn’t deserve to mourn. He could point to so many members and say ‘of course they were close with Kibum,’ ‘of course they were close with Han Geng.’ But what about him?

He has a horrible feeling that his own grief stems more from the fact that a member who was gone had been around nearly as long as he had, that after all this time even he himself wasn’t invincible, than actual friendship. He should have taken the time to get close to the others while they were still here instead of taking them for granted.

Unless that’s misplaced guilt, and he’s letting himself turn into Jungsoo. Hyukjae doesn’t know what to think anymore.

But even in the midst of the chaos, Hyukjae does know one thing: they’re never going to move forward if they can’t come together. All of them, even the members who’ve resorted to isolation, need to help each other stitch their torn bonds back together.

It’s not too difficult to get most of the members on board with the idea. One mention to Siwon of a time for the group to talk to each other, and in no time he’s organizing a support circle for the members, convincing most of them with a line or two of honeyed persuasion. Of course, some take more work, but hearing the same suggestion from that many members did wonders (along with Hyukjae’s sincere but firm insistence to Jungsoo that he had better start acting like a leader again).

Heechul is the last piece, their keystone. Hyukjae is close to giving up on including him until Donghae makes him realize the Strategist might just be the most important one there.

“In some ways, Heechul is like the emotional anchor of the group,” Donghae tells him. “Think about it. His temper flares up, he’ll snap at any of us for the smallest things, but he never lets it show when things really get to him. The other members pick up on that, even if it’s on a subconscious level. He  _ has _ to show he’s making it through this, so they know they can make it, too.”

That eye-opening insight is what drives Hyukjae to push through with helping Heechul recover, though he doesn’t have to do it alone ━ Heechul’s current caretaker is more than willing to help. Sungmin keeps Hyukjae updated on the Strategist’s progress, until the time comes when Heechul might finally be ready to let someone else in.

Hyukjae doesn’t know the entire situation ━Sungmin still respects the other man’s privacy━ but he knows he’s needed to sit with Heechul while Sungmin makes a trip outside of the Bunker. He doesn’t take the time to push the idea of the circle; they sit in a comfortable silence broken only by the occasional short exchange, mostly initiated by Hyukjae. He’s taken the first step: get close.

The second step is what he takes today, in a conversation with Heechul that’s not entirely fair. He has, after all, brought his secret weapon, one of the few weaknesses he and Heechul have in common: Lee Donghae. Heechul lasts about a minute before he cracks, returning Donghae’s resulting hug with a few unsure pats.

“But you can’t make me talk,” he tells the two of them. “I don’t want everyone...I don’t think I can.”

“No one will make you talk,” Hyukjae promises. “You have my word.”

(The promise he  _ doesn’t  _ tell Heechul about is what he has Siwon agree to beforehand: to keep it a support circle, not a prayer one. He’s free to preach in his other meetings, but this has to be a safe space for everyone.)

They gather in the main room that evening on the floor, lights dimmed and sitting in a circle that Hyukjae would laugh at in any other circumstance for taking its purpose so literally.

“I only have one thing to say before we begin,” Siwon opens their talk with. “Nothing that’s said here tonight can be brought up again outside of the circle unless that person wants it to be. No one has to be ashamed of anything they choose to share.”

There’s no other group of people Hyukjae would trust to keep that unwritten contract.

Another promise is kept that night: Heechul joins the circle just as they begin. The nervous tapping of the Strategist’s fingers and darting eyes don’t escape Hyukjae’s attention, symptoms he’s sure stem from trying to hold it together while under the scrutiny of more people than Heechul has been around for weeks.

Donghae is pressed against Hyukjae’s side, but the latter’s free hand stays just next to Heechul’s out of eyeshot of the others. Sungmin keeps an eye on him from his other side. They both know how much Heechul hates being pitied, but there’s a big difference between that and making it clear that they’re here to support him.

No one pushes Heechul to speak. He remains silent as everyone opens up about what they’ve been personally going through. But when it’s all said and done, when the members finally start to disperse, he turns to Hyukjae and gives him a quiet “thank you” that tells Hyukjae he’s made the right decision.

It’s not Hyukjae’s last decision of the night, either. That distinction goes to the next words that he tells the Strategist after seeing three back-to-back glances at Jungsoo’s retreating form.

“Go talk to him.” It gains him a leveled look from Heechul, so Hyukjae continues. “If you don’t do it now, when are you ever going to?”

Heechul holds his gaze for a few more moments before giving in with a resigned “You’re right.” He gives Hyukjae a nod, who can see the other man is thankful even if he doesn’t say it out loud, and heads in Jungsoo’s direction ━ steps that are hopefully his first ones on the road to recovery.

It’s still too empty here in the Bunker, but Hyukjae is starting to think that maybe, just  _ maybe _ , the Resistance can make it through this.

⋙

“I won’t go into detail about what we said. The rules of that night still stand. But it was good for all of us; at the very least, we were talking to each other again.” Hyukjae turns to Heechul. “Did I do it justice?”

Heechul shoots him a grateful look, thanking him in a quick mutter before he takes back over. He can’t help but feel embarrassed at the weakness he’d shown while telling the last few parts of the story, at how he’d allowed his emotions to overwhelm him. If he has his way, that won’t happen again; he grips Han Geng’s hand like a lifeline as he begins.

“Jungsoo and I didn’t fix all of our problems that day. I was done trying to blame him for what happened, but he wasn’t. It wasn’t until after Kyuhyun joined that we were really okay again. Still, we reached some sort of mutual understanding to keep the Resistance afloat. Having its two founders not speaking to each other wasn’t doing it any good.”

He feels Jungsoo’s hand on his shoulder, takes a second to meet the other man’s eyes, and that’s when he’s hit with a sudden realization: the look in Jungsoo’s eyes, the look in  _ everyone’s  _ eyes, isn’t pity. They’re in pain, too, reliving these memories, and the sadness in their gazes is sympathy for what they know Heechul is feeling, too. They don’t think he’s weak.

“The worst is over, I promise,” he continues. “We’re almost to the end. But there’s one more thing I have to add before we’re done…”

⋘

**August 3rd, 2018**

Two days later, Heechul wakes up and feels...resigned. It still hurts to think about  _ him _ , but he feels like this is the beginning of coping with the loss.

He grabs on to the feeling while it lasts, making the split-second decision to visit the memorial he’d refused to see before. He asks Donghee to go with him, but not because he wants an audience; he just hates the thought of having to take the walk alone. Donghee must understand, because even without being asked, he stands at a distance while Heechul says his goodbyes.

Heechul wonders for a moment how it had been at the funeral, if the other members had broken down while saying their own farewells. The thought is shut down quickly when he realizes how much it hurts to think of that happening to any of them. There’s enough misery these days without his imagination making it worse.

He kneels in front of the memorial before he starts to speak. It’s not that he’s worried about Donghee overhearing from that far away, but this moment...it’s something private, something he feels the need to say quietly.

“Hey, Geng,” Heechul finally says. “I’ve been a pretty shitty friend, haven’t I? Not coming the other day when I should have been the first to volunteer, leaving you behind in the first place.”

A smile briefly flashes on his face. “You’d probably yell at me for saying that if you could. You wouldn’t shut up about it until I admitted it wasn’t my fault. And maybe it wasn’t, but you  _ do  _ realize I’m never going to be able to entirely forgive myself, don’t you? I’m stubborn like that.”

The joke tastes like ashes in Heechul’s mouth. What is he doing, talking to a gravestone like the other man is going to hear him? Why had he followed through with this horrible idea when it can’t make up for how badly he wants to see Han Geng’s smile again, see his eyes curve into crescents when he laughs, just  _ hold _ him one more time? Heechul bows his head as he digs his fingers into flesh, keeping himself grounded.

“I just…” He takes a deep breath before he can continue. “I miss you like hell. I know you wanted me to keep living after you were gone ━ that’s what you told me at the warehouse, and trust me when I say that I can’t forget a single detail of that day even when I try. So that’s what I’m going to do: keep living.”

“But damn it, Geng,” he continues, voice dropping to just more than a whisper. “I’m not going to forget you, got it? I owe you that much. Even if every single member of the Resistance forgets what you did for us, I’m still going to be here thinking about you. Because I lo…”

The word dies at his lips, and Heechul is disappointed but unsurprised.

“I guess I can’t say it even now,” he says bitterly. “But I’m sure you know how I feel. Knew. This past tense thing is...really going to take some getting used to.”

There’s nothing left for Heechul to say. But he knows that the moment he leaves, the spell will be broken. The thinly-veiled illusion of being able to communicate his final goodbye will cease. So he closes his eyes and sits perfectly still, and for once he hopes any part of Siwon’s spiritual mumbo-jumbo means something. He wants to feel the whisper of a breeze, hear the ghost of a familiar laugh,  _ anything _ , and know that Han Geng’s presence is here with him.

He waits. The sun beats down on barren wasteland, Donghee takes one step toward him before moving back, and the world is silent.

There’s nothing.

A weary sigh escapes his lips, and he shifts his gaze to the second name on the gravestone, finding his voice again.

“I promise no one will forget you either, Kibum. I just needed time to...Hell, I’m sure you’d understand. You were always too good at reading people.”

One more moment of silence and Heechul is back on his feet. He’s had his time with the dead; now it’s time to return to the folds of the living.

( _ And stay there _ , a voice in his head chides him, one that sounds achingly familiar.  _ You deserve more than to just slowly let yourself fade away _ .)

( _ You worry too much. I’ll be...fine. Just give me some time. _ )

Heechul turns away with a wordless  _ goodbye _ , walking back to where Donghee is standing. The other man gives him a pat on the back but otherwise remains silent, knowing that nothing he says will really be enough ━ another name on the list of people Heechul will forever be in debt to.

The Resistance members are really something else, aren’t they? They’re already getting back on their feet, already preparing to march unflinchingly toward their original goal.

And Heechul...Heechul is ready to give the Capital hell.

⋙

**March 6th, 2019 (The Present)**

There’s a lightness surrounding Heechul now, a feeling as if a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders. Every shame and secret, every regret and sorrow that he’s given up for the sake of the story seems to have lost its hold on him. They have no power when he’s chosen not to bear the burden alone. Kyuhyun’s seemingly offhand suggestion may have been one of the best things to happen to him.

Not that Heechul will ever admit that to his face ━ he’s got a big enough head as it is.

“So that’s when I finally joined everyone else in moving on,” he says to the others. “Compared to most of you, I did a shit job of it, but at least I didn’t have to do it on my own.”

He pauses to look around the room, taking in the silent camaraderie that connects them together. “Some things never change, do they? You’re all still the same insufferable misfits I met when you joined, and somehow still likeable even after all these years.”

“Wrap up the story, Heechul,” Youngwoon tells him with poorly-acted impatience. “This soft-hearted stuff really doesn’t fit your image.”

“ _ You _ try telling an entire two-year saga and not getting a little sentimental near the end, you bastard!” Heechul snaps back on instinct, but he’s grateful in a way for the lead-in.

“Like I was saying, we started to move on. There wasn’t a way to fill the two empty spots, but we still had a mission to complete ━ we weren’t going to let one failure be the end of an effort years in the making. So we kept fighting. Nothing even close to the scale of that day in the Capital, but it still let us make a difference while Donghee got us ready with a new plan, one that didn’t repeat our previous mistakes.

“Just to be clear, not everything was sunshine and rainbows. There were still those few of us who couldn’t let our guilt go, hurting in our own ways. I’m sure I don’t have to name names. That kind of thing just took time.”

Heechul exchanges a look with Han Geng, short but meaningful.  _ Which is why I can’t even express how grateful I am that you came back to me. _

No one seems to know how to break the silence that falls over the room, until Jungsoo takes the responsibility.

“Thank you, Heechul,” he says to the other man. “That also goes for everyone who helped tell the story, and Kyuhyun for suggesting it. It was good for all of us to hear.”

Hyukjae nods in agreement. “It’s good to remember our roots considering what’s been━”

“We don’t know if there’s anything to worry about yet,” Jungsoo interrupts. “That’s a story for another time.”

“You know…” Donghee glances out the window in consideration. “Even with how long this got, the night is still young, and I think we could all use a little pick-me-up. Drinks on me?”

The hearty cheers of agreement from the rest of the members are answer enough.

“Wait.” Kyuhyun’s voice cuts through the ruckus, drawing attention his way. “I know we’ve already said this, but since I’m the one who asked, I have to say it myself: thank you. Thank you for trusting me with━”

“Aren’t you forgetting something, Kyuhyun?” Heechul asks, cutting him off. “I never said the story was finished.”

Jongwoon catches on to Heechul’s game immediately. “On September 29th of that same year, Shadow Squad went to intercept a Drone raid in an unnamed Cluster.”

“It didn’t go as planned,” Hyukjae adds with a wry smile. “The Drones got there earlier than expected, and all we ended up with was a handful of rescued Outsiders and some brat who managed to both call my skills into question  _ and  _ convince the others he was Resistance material.”

Donghae looks at Kyuhyun fondly. “And as luck would have it, he ended up agreeing to join. The Resistance gained its last missing piece.”

Thirteen sets of eyes turn to their narrator, sharing an unspoken understanding that he will be the one to close the book.

“And the rest,” Heechul says, feeling the sweet finality of it all coming full circle, “is history.”


End file.
